Family Builder Seminar in Mukilteo, WA

I'm so excited to announce this! This fall, September 29, to be exact, I am hosting a Family Builder seminar. Here's a link to the seminar registration info.

It will be in Mukilteo, WA. Family Builder is the program Diann Jeppson and Jodie Palmer run to support family centered education. This seminar is 1 day long and very reasonably priced. Look at the agenda - I think it sounds pretty amazing and it will give you a good idea about whether or not this one is for you. The room I booked only has space for 50 people so register ASAP to make sure you get a spot.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

I recently had an amazing conversation with a friend that led us to a shared epiphany.  As homeschooling TJEDers, we are both frequently asked to compare our homeschooling to public school and to more common K-12 homeschooling.  My friend and I were talking about the differences and I was having a particularly hard time comparing what I do with typical education.  “Homeschooling” didn’t cover everything I meant when I used the word “education.” 

As we talked we acknowledged that the goal of Leadership Education is for a person to realize their full potential while the goal of typical education in the U.S. is for a person to realize their academic potential.   

Our shared epiphany was this: It is impossible to compare what we are doing – Leadership Education – to typical education because Leadership Education is concerned with the whole person while typical education is only concerned with a small part of a person. 

It is like comparing holistic medicine to brain surgery.  As a former brain surgery patient, I can sincerely say that I understand how critical a brain surgeon is and I’m so grateful for the surgeon who saved my life.  But it would be ludicrous of me to ignore all the other systems in my body and assume that brain surgery would ensure my entire body’s physical health.  Just as there is more to my body than my brain, there is more to a person than their academic potential.  All the people I know understand this.  I suspect there are very few, if any, people who don’t understand this. Sadly, society in general doesn’t live in accordance with this truth. Many, many parents, teachers, and students are trying to live this truth.  I love Leadership Education because it embraces this truth.  It is teaching me how to live it.

Typical education may begin as early as pre-school and end after high school, college, or graduate school.  Ideally Leadership Education begins at birth and continues throughout a person’s whole life – it is never finished. Typical education happens during school hours and usually in a classroom.  As soon as the bell rings or the student leaves the classroom, education is done for the day. Leadership Education happens 24-7 wherever the student’s body is at. 

As my friend and I talked we started to use an analogy, probably inspired by Oliver and Rachel DeMille’s beautiful poem about an Oak Tree (on the back cover of the book Leadership Education).  We compared our children to little plants that we were raising.  We’d already helped them get from seed to tiny plant but we both know our little plants have a long way to go.  Ever since that conversation I have started thinking of my children as little plants and myself as a gardener of children.  My goal is to give my little plants the environment and nurturing they need to grow and develop and become whatever plant they were meant to be.  Each one is unique.  They are not all going to become the same kind of plant.  They have unique needs and unique development paths.  I’m certain academics will be something each of them need at some point, likely many points, along the way, but that is just a portion of their development.  Especially with my core phasers, academics aren’t a high priority at all. 

At the beginning of the week I try to look at my little plants in my minds eye and ask myself, what do they need this week to grow and develop?  Then each day I try to ask again, which things do they need most today?  This week, what comes to mind is my 3 yo daughter needs opportunities to work alongside me with jobs like picking up toys and emptying the dishwasher; lots of snuggle time; opportunities to improve her hand coordination with activities like coloring and cutting; and our daily devotional.  Thinking of my 3 yo son, I know right now he needs lots of Dad time; opportunities to climb and run and jump; recognition of all his good choices; and our daily devotional.  As I think of my 8 yo daughter I know she needs more sleep; my help purging and reorganizing her bedroom; opportunities to talk with me; one-on-one time with Dad; time to ride her bike; lots of time to work with or near me; to be read to by me; time to read and “play” with the academic subjects she is interested in; time to socialize with friends at least a couple hours/week; opportunities to learn more beginning cooking skills; inspiration to read our core book on her own; and our daily devotional.

This is what I think my little plants need right now.  Some of what I think they need is constant, like our daily devotional.  But most of what I think they need changes with each week, month, and season of the year.  We are transitioning right now from our “school year” to our “summer.”  For my core-phasers, the big difference will be not going to physical therapy for 3 months and going to weekly park days, but other than that, life will feel pretty much the same for them.  For my love-of-learning-phase daughter, there are more noticeable differences.  The clubs she participates in have ended or will end soon for a summer break.  Now that our Seattle weather is getting warmer and dryer (relatively), we can spend a lot of time outside and park day with our friends will be what we look forward to all week.   I won’t be involved in as many of my book clubs and classes so we’ll have more family time and a simpler schedule.  Our daily work will change in response to the change in season.  There will be lots of food preservation, vacation planning and prep, planning for the next school year, and yard work.  Meal preparation will be focused more on washing and cutting up produce and won’t involve the oven, crock-pot, or stove much. 

I’m sharing a little slice of my family’s life right now but it will look different next week and completely different in 3 months.  Kind of the way a garden looks so different each season and the gardener’s work is different from day to day. 

In addition to considering the little plants we are raising, my friend and I considered our personal plants.  It was a new way for both of us to look at our personal growth and development.  It made it easier for us to recognize things we ought to say no to and opportunities we shouldn’t miss. Often now when we talk, rather than asking each other, “How are you doing?”, we ask “how is your plant doing?” and “How are your little plants doing?”.  I recommend asking yourself How Does Your Garden Grow?

Core Phase Tune-up

I am learning a lot right now about the Phases of Learning as taught by Oliver and Rachel DeMille in Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning.  I thought I understood them quite well but I’ve recently had a humbling experience that has showed me how little I’ve understood.  I’ve heard and read many times that you never leave the foundational phases, you just add to them but until now, I didn’t really get it. 

I “did” core phase and love of learning phase several years ago and have spent the last few years focused on scholar, depth, and mission phases.  When you begin Leadership Education as an adult, you typically will be working on a couple or a few phases simultaneously – not ideal, but if you miss the opportunity to take on the foundational phases as a child, you will probably have to do them while building and caring for your family.  In the last 6 months, I’ve noticed more things going wrong in my life than right.  As I’ve pondered and examined, I realized that 99% of my problems are rooted in core phase issues.  After being painfully humbled I accepted the fact that I needed to put my scholar and depth phase studies on hold while I focused my mental and emotional energy on a core phase tune up.

At first I worried that I had developed major character flaws and was becoming a bad person.  I worried that my personal core had become rotten.  This horrified me.  I want badly to be a good person and live with integrity.  After a lot of talking and pondering and processing I realized that I hadn’t totally lost my integrity and character, I had lost the habits that keep my character in check and protect my integrity.  I realized that making these habits is what Core Phase is all about.  For me these habits include things like:

• Reading from my core book daily
• Praying daily
• Being a good friend, daughter, sister, wife, and mother
• Following my family’s routine for personal hygiene and personal chores, especially taking care of myself before the kids wake up (things like going to bed and waking up on time, making my bed, exercising, showering, etc.)
• Using a system for family work, meal preparation, family finances, and shopping,
• Keeping my home organized and clean

At one time I had habits that addressed all of these things.  But in the last 3 years, my life has seen a fair amount of upheaval. 3 years ago, me, my husband and our then 5 yr old daughter moved to Utah for 3 months to adopt and be with our twins who were then very sick micro-preemies in a NICU (Born at 25 weeks at 1.5 pounds each).   Then, when the twins were 10 months old, on my oldest daughter’s 6^th birthday, I had to have brain surgery.  It has been a wild ride.   Miraculously everyone is healthy and happy and together.  We survived. 

What didn’t, were my fundamental habits and systems.  We have been limping along for the last three years with a routine and systems that were designed around a different family in totally different circumstances.  And the most important of my personal habits?  They've all but disappeared.  Of course I’ve made changes along the way and we aren’t doing things the same way we used to but mostly, I’m just not doing half the things I used to.  I understood that with all the upheaval I would need to take a break from scholar and depth phases and I did.  I pulled out of my GWU classes, said no to every commitment outside of my home, and focused on my family for a couple years.  But what I missed, what I just didn’t get, what I’m being forced to learn now is:  When my circumstances change in any significant way, I need to redesign and reestablish all the habits, routines, and systems that keep me and my home running well.  Establishing or reestablishing a habit, routine, or system takes an enormous amount of mental and emotional energy.  I have found that I can’t work on more than one thing at a time, with any degree of success.  This is a very frustrating truth but I see no way around it.  Leo Babauta, one of my favorite bloggers, wrote an amazing post on this concept: The Single Changing Method.   I use a little bit different language to talk about this than Mr. Babauta (I’m not opposed to the word goal) but in principle, I’m with him 100%.

I evaluate the success of each day on whether or not I accomplished my one mini-goal for that day.  Of course I do a lot more than one thing each day, but it is all pretty much out of habit or in response to someone asking (or hollering) for my help.  The only thing I give a lot of mental and emotional energy to is my daily mini-goal.  Right now it is reading from my Core Book first thing in the morning.  When I don’t have to think about it anymore and it just happens, I’ll work on something else. Hopefully within a year, but maybe longer, I will have my new and improved routines and systems running in a smooth, habitual way.  Only then, will I be able to add scholar and depth phase back into the mix.  

Leadership Education Family Builder

In my last post I mentioned a new resource I recently learned about, Leadership Education Family Builder.  I'm a huge fan of this program.  A new online group, mentored by Diann Jeppson, co-author of TJED Home Companion, is beginning this month and you can join it if you want to.  Here is what Diann says about it:


Are you ready to significantly improve the education of your family? Then…


I invite you to join with me, and parents from many communities, as we meet monthly to help YOU…

1.           Create your own unique family vision

2.           Develop a family master education plan

3.           Design and implement your own custom made family systems

The Leadership Education Family Builder program is designed to mentor parents who wish to implement Leadership Education in their homes. (This methodology is also known as Thomas Jefferson Education, or “TJEd”).



It is ideal for the homeschooling family; both beginner and veteran, and also for any parent wishing to improve the quality of their family’s education.



Click HERE for information about the Family Builder Program, and for registration details.

You, Not Them is the Way To Begin

I love helping people learn about and live TJED principles.  TJED is a lifestyle and for most people it takes a lot of conscious effort to develop a TJED lifestyle in their own home and family.

A lot of people read one of the TJED Books and then ask, “But how do I really do it?”  There are a lot of really great answers to that question.  Some of my favorite answers are in the books Leadership Education and The TJED Home Companion. 

Family Builder

I’ve also learned of a new resource that aims to mentor families and groups of adults through the process of developing a TJED lifestyle:  Family Builder.  It is amazing.  I whole-heartedly recommend it.  The first 3 audio downloads are free.  Listen to them and you’ll know if Family Builder is for you.  The program consists of audio lectures and worksheets that take you through the Family Builder process.  Ideally, you would be part of a local Family Builder group, led by a Family Builder Facilitator that would meet regularly to work through the Family Builder program together.  I hope to get trained as a Facilitator and lead a group in my area someday.  You can also do the program on your own or with an online group. 

I have my own way of answering the question, “But how do I really do it?” and my way really isn’t different from what all those other resources say but sometimes it is helpful to hear the same information in a variety of ways.  My thoughts draw heavily on the TJED books and an audio lecture titled, Adult Phases, given by Julie Earley at a TJED Forum. You can buy it here.  So here is how I answer the question, "But how do I really do it?"

A Shiny New Dream

Most often (definitely not always) it is the mother in a family who discovers TJED and decides she wants to “use it” with her family.  My thoughts apply to fathers and singles who want to “use” or “do” TJED too.  My imaginary narrative will be about a typical aspiring TJED mom.  Mom has usually discovered TJED at an event or after talking to a good friend who “does” TJED.  She is really excited and dreaming of a home cleaned by her children who spend their afternoon studying Calculus, Greek, and Philosophy and then relax with a family reading of a novel like Les Miserables.  When her children grow up, they save the world in half a dozen different ways.  Her dream really inspires her and she wants to see it become a reality, tomorrow. 

I think that dream sounds lovely and living a TJED lifestyle will very likely yield some if not all of those results but that is not what TJED is about.  TJED is about building leaders, also known as statesmen.  Building leaders works best when the future leader grows up in a certain kind of home environment with a certain kind of family lifestyle that inspires and helps them to progress through the phases of learning.  An individual who progresses through the phases of learning will become a leader no matter how old they are when they begin the process.  Success is not limited to children, homeschoolers or farmers. 

Reality: a Rocky Start

Mom comes home with a stack of classics and half a dozen plans for how to start “doing” TJED.   She begins to share her dream with her family, sure that they will feel just as inspired by it and get right to work on fulfilling it.  But they aren’t and they don’t.  And she isn’t even sure what to tell them to do.  She is sure that if she can just figure out what “they” should do, it will all come together.  At this point she is seriously tempted to give up and go back to what she was doing before she heard about TJED. Or, she may ask, "But how do I really do it?"

The answer is one of the 7 Keys of Great Teaching, from A Thomas Jefferson Education:

You, Not Them, is the Way to Begin

If you want to develop a TJED lifestyle for yourself and your family, you must begin with yourself and leave everyone else alone.  You must progress yourself through the phases of learning, beginning with Core Phase.  You cannot inspire someone to pursue a Core Phase or mentor them through it if you haven’t experienced it yourself.  This is hard to swallow for most people and it probably sounds all wrong but I know it works.  It doesn’t just work, it shoots the moon.  You won’t believe the results you’ll see if you give this a try.  I’m talking totally transformational, revolutionary results.

But it will sound so simple you might be tempted to dismiss it.  I beg of you, just try it.  You will probably be able to do steps 1-5 in an evening.  One week of working on step 6 will probably convince you the process works.  Here’s the specific steps I recommend:

1.  Don’t change a thing.

Whatever your family has been doing, don’t change it, just let them keep on keepin’ on.  Whatever routine your family has right now, maintain it.  Of course if someone in your family is in a dangerous or harmful situation then get them out of it immediately but don’t make them do anything else.  Even if you’ve pulled your kids out of school and the default routine is for them to play all day, let it happen.  Sometimes nothing really is better than an inferior something.  A little detox time with lots of play will not hurt your family while you figure out what you are going to do.

2.  Determine your Core Book and Authority Figure.

Fundamental to TJED and Core Phase is a learning good/bad, right/wrong, true false.  Your Authority Figure and Core Book define these for you.  An Authority Figure is often a higher power or a transcendent human being.  Someone like God, a Prophet, a Political Leader, a Philosopher etc. that you turn to for answers to Life’s Big Questions.  A Core Book does the same kind of thing and some people use a Core Book as their Authority Figure.  Some examples of Core Books are The Bible, The Bhagavad Gita, The Torah, The Koran, Shakespeare’s Collected Works, The Declaration of Independence, and The Humanist Manifesto.  Some people use a combination of 2 or 3 books/documents as their Core Book.  What is your Core Book and who is your Authority Figure? 

3.  Assess your current routine.

Write down your current personal daily and weekly routine. We are creatures of habit.  Most of what we do every day, we do on autopilot, out of habit.  What do you habitually do every day?  Every week? What time do you wake up?  When do you eat and what do you eat?  When do you work?  When do you play?  When are you home?  When are you somewhere else?  What else do you do?  When do you sleep?  Do not include anything you are not personally involved in. It is important to focus on your routine, no one else’s.  Write it all down, in chronological order.

4.  Determine an ideal routine.

Now remember, we are talking about your routine, the things you will do daily or weekly in an ideal world, not what you hope anyone else in your family, workplace, etc. will do. 

An ideal TJED Core Phaser routine includes:

•       Time to read your Core Book
•       Time to pray, meditate, or otherwise communicate with your Authority Figure
•       Time to work (This includes your responsibilities inside and outside of your home)
•       Time to play
•       Time to be inspired
•       Time to eat
•       Time to sleep
•       Time for relationships
•       Time to take care of personal needs and hygiene

There will be other things in your ideal routine.  What are they?  It’s also important to note that I’m using the word routine, not schedule.  If you are most comfortable with a minute-by-minute schedule, I suspect that is routine for you.  But it isn’t necessary.  A routine is a flow of events that happens habitually.  It is good for a routine to be flexible and allow for deviations.  Specific activities take more or less time on a given day.  Where people and their needs are concerned, it is especially important to take the time it takes to meet those needs.  Often you will be doing two or more basics at once. For example, most of my work and play is also time for relationships. 

Now review your current routine and compare it to your ideal routine.  What do you notice about your current routine?  What is good about it?  Are there important things missing from it?  How happy are you with this routine?  How happy do you think you would be if you were following your ideal routine?

5. Begin Implementing Your Ideal Routine

Proceed with caution.  Remember three things as you begin. 

• We are only talking about your routine, not what your family, roommates, or coworkers are doing.  Just leave them alone. 
• You will be successful if you focus on 1 or 2 small changes to your routine at a time.  If you try to change a lot of things all at once, or you try to make a drastic change you are unlikely to stick with it.  I know limiting yourself to 1 or 2 small changes seems like it won’t work.  I promise that it does. 
• The process is more important than what is accomplished.  This is another way of saying, Trust the Process.  Something magical happens when you consistently work on something small – it becomes a habit.   If the change is a good one, the positive effects ripple throughout your life and world.  Say for example, that time to study your Core Book is not part of your current routine but you decide to work on developing the habit of reading your Core Book for 5 minutes every day.  Even though it is only 5 minutes, it will take a tremendous amount of mental and emotional energy to work this into your routine.  It will take at least 3 weeks of tremendous daily effort to make this a habit.  But, you will experience positive results after just 1 day of reading for 5 minutes.  Some of those results will likely be that your family and/or those around you will see your example and be inspired to do likewise.  Seriously, it will happen. The positive results will make you feel great.  They will motivate you to keep working at it.  They will increase with each successful day.  Resist the urge to start requiring more of yourself.  Define your daily success by whether or not you read your Core Book for 5 minutes.  If your ideal goal is to read for 30 minutes each day and on day 2 you kept going and read for 10 minutes, that is just fine but what really matters is that you read for at least 5 minutes.  Developing the habit is the point.  Once reading your Core Book for 5 minutes a day is a habit, you can work on increasing the amount of time.  Going from 5 minutes to 10 minutes won’t be such a stretch.  Going from no minutes to 10 minutes would be a big change.  And bigger changes are a lot harder to turn into habits.  I was once told that it is our habits that determine our destiny, and I believe it.

After you have made one permanent (habitual) change to your routine, you can begin working on another one.  Keep working at making new habits until your current routine matches your ideal routine, most of the time.  Please note I said, most of the time, not every single day.  Unless you are perfect, you will never be able to follow the ideal routine every day.  If you obsess about perfection you will prevent yourself from fulfilling your potential and you will teach those around you to do likewise.

Depending on how different your current routine and your ideal routine are, this process may take a few months or a few years.  Your definition of ideal is likely to evolve, especially as you progress through the phases.   And you will fall out of some habits and have to make them again.  I have a pretty good personal routine that I’ve worked on for years but I am continually improving it.  This week I’m recreating the habit of making my bed before breakfast.

When you don’t have to think about your ideal routine to make it happen, you can begin working on Creating an Inspiring Environment.  And that’s a post for another day…

Being a TJEDer

As most of my family, friends, and acquaintances know, I am a big (and loud) fan of TJED or A Thomas Jefferson Education, also known as Leadership Education.  It’s the philosophy my family uses for our home schooling efforts.  You can read about it in A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver VanDeMille and in Leadership Education by Oliver and Rachel DeMille.  You can also learn a lot about it at www.tjedonline.com.

I am working with parents and teachers in the Puget Sound area to build a local TJED Community.  I’ve had several conversations this week that have made me think about what it is to be a “TJEDer.”

I think the idea of being a “TJEDer” is widely misunderstood and the term is much abused.  

What TJED is

First, let me clarify what TJED is (my understanding of it, you are welcome to disagree with me):

TJED is a set of principles codified by Oliver and Rachel DeMille.  They (like me) like lists and have organized the principles into 6 lists:

•      3 Types of Education
•       2 Views of Childhood
•       7 Keys of Great Teaching
•       4 Phases of Learning
•       5 Environments of Mentoring
•       8 Education Trends of the 21^st Century

The DeMilles call these the TJED Basics.  You can listen to them discuss the basics in 2 free lectures and a Q&A with Oliver and Rachel here.  In my mind this is it – this is TJED.  If you want to learn about TJED, find those lists in the books mentioned above and study them.  The 8 Trends is an article, not in either of the books.  You can get it free here, along with other TJED Basics info.   There are lots of additional articles, books, lectures, seminars and other vehicles people have used to share the TJED Philosophy and I find them helpful and inspiring but only if used as a toolbox of resources in helping me apply the TJED principles contained in those 6 lists.  These other resources have a lot of examples of how different people and families have successfully applied TJED principles. 

Principles vs. Methods

Too often, people confuse application methods for the principles themselves.  For example, one prominent TJED family has found it works well in their home to have their bookshelves organized in a specific way.  This method or application is rooted in the TJED principles but it is not a principle itself.  I’ve actually heard someone express the concern that because they don’t organize their bookshelves this way, they aren’t a “real TJEDer.”  What?!  I consider this friend of mine an experienced and very successful TJEDer.

Guess What?  TJED is Not a Religion.

Too many people have erroneously concluded that to be a TJEDer one must accept and agree with every single principle in the philosophy. You can be inspired by and apply just some of the principles of the TJED philosophy.   There are no TJED authorities to monitor or evaluate how much or how well you live the principles.  I don’t know anyone who lives the principles 100%, including those, like myself, who buy the whole philosophy.  I personally believe the closer I get to knowing and applying all the principles, the more my family will benefit but that doesn’t mean there’s no benefit if you just learn and apply 1 principle from the philosophy.

No “Inner Rings” for Me, Thanks

In terms of building a TJED community I don’t think everyone has to agree with all the principles.  The last thing I want is an exclusive community of people who label themselves as TJEDers and consider themselves better than non-TJEDers and compare their TJEDness.  What would be the point and what does that even mean?  Who honestly is qualified to decide who "does TJED" or who doesn't? That would be an "Inner Ring" in C.S. Lewis terms (read his essay “The Inner Ring” in The Weight of Glory) and I don't have any interest in that.  I think the principles of the TJED philosophy are inspiring and useful and could change the world, and I want to band together with anyone who appreciates and tries to apply any part of the philosophy so we can all help each other - that's what I mean when I talk about a TJED Community. Membership in the community is self-declared - no one else can decide who is or isn't part of it.  

Guess What?  You Don’t Have to be a Homeschooler to be a TJEDer.

Members of my local TJED Community (and I suspect the worldwide TJED Community) are lots of things besides TJEDers. Joining the community does not mean someone has to renounce their affiliations with other philosophies, schools or education groups.   For most people in my local area, I suspect our TJED Community is not going to meet all of their families’ education or home school community needs.

What it should do is help inspire, teach, and coach families who want to learn about and apply any of the TJED principles.  It should also be a community of friends.  There’s not even a membership fee or a registration form.  Joining is as simple as coming to a bookclub, class or workshop and saying, “Hi, my name is Jen and I’m a TJEDer.”


Update as of 2/1/11:  The TJED Community organization I serve with just launched our own website.  We are hosting an event on 2/19, TJED Basics Workshop.  Check it out!  www.leapsnw.weebly.com

TJED Basics

I'm so excited!  I just discovered 2 free audio downloads from Oliver and Rachel DeMille teaching the basics of TJED.  Go to www.tjedonline.com and register your name and email (it's free).  That will give you access to the free content on the site.  Then click on the left side, audio downloads.  There are 4 free audio downloads.  Get them all!

If you want access to even more stuff, sign up for the $10/month subscription.

TJED For Teens Bookclub

My dear (and hilarious) friend Juli and I are mentoring a bookclub for Teens this fall.  If you know a teen in my area who'd like to participate send them our way.

TJED for Teens Bookclub

“You were born with a great mission and purpose in this life.  The future of the world depends upon your generation finding its genius….”

For

Youth aged 12 -17

Prerequisite

Buy and read TJED for Teens by Oliver DeMille and Shanon Brooks.  These are both musts.  We will reference the book throughout the year and each person will take notes and track their progress in their own book.  This means siblings each need their own copy.  We sell the book for $18 or you can buy it online.  It’s a quick read, only 146 pages long.

Class Fee

$18 (for the TJED for Teens Book).  If you already own your own copy of the book the Class Fee will be waived.

Mentors

Jennifer Jarrett and Juli Kirry

Schedule

We will meet the 2^nd Thursday of every month from 7:00pm – 8:30pm in Sept, Oct, Nov, (skip Dec) Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, and May.   There will be additional optional meetings on the 5^th Thursdays in September and March.

Location

Juli Kirry’s home in southwest Everett

The Booklist

This will be based on the Teen 100 list outlined in TJED for Teens.

To Register

Contact Juli Kirry 206-910-6578 jkirry@gmail.com

Or Jennifer Jarrett 425-367-4660 jenjar2001@gmail.com

Keeping House and Raising/Homeschooling My Kids Can Be Done in Tandem

I have had an amazing, life-altering, paradigm-shifting week.  Over the last month I’ve been particularly stressed out and overwhelmed by my efforts to balance cooking, cleaning, and teaching my children.  I’ve questioned whether it was possible to do it all as my standards for cleanliness have continued to slip and even considered the possibility that I’d just have to live in a dirty home for a few years.  Well, Hallelujah, I was wrong.  It is possible.  It can be done.  During this month I’ve also listened, and re-listened (like 4 times) to a couple lectures from the TJED 2010 Forum and then read more from the speakers’ websites.  What they were teaching finally came together in my mind and I really “got it.”  I must emphasize it took me several times through their lectures and writings before it started to make sense to me.

Beginning on Tuesday I began applying what I’d learned and I just can’t believe the amazing results!  My house is cleaner than it’s been in years; my family is happy, peaceful, and content; my relationships with my kids have improved and Isabel especially made progress this week in learning how to work without complaining, my kitchen is full of healthy, homemade food; and I feel like a great wife and mother. 

Here are the two lectures I’ve listened to so many times now:

A Journey Through Core Phase by Keri Tibbetts, and her website where you can register and then receive her free e-book http://www.headgates.org/

Teach Your Kids to Work Their Little Britches Off by Lara Gallagher and her blog http://www.lazyorganizer.com/blog/

I have realized that I was struggling before because I had a false paradigm about the way things could or should be done in my home.  I’m reading Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits right now for bookclub and that has influenced my thinking too.  He teaches that before we can make any progress with managing our time or working more efficiently, we have to make sure we are working on the right things, that our paradigm is correct.  He likens operating under an incorrect paradigm to using a map of L.A. to try and navigate New York City (or something like that, I probably have the cities wrong).  Once you find and use the correct map or paradigm, everything opens up and you can be effective.  That is exactly what my experience this week was like.  I found the right map!  Wahoo! 

I’m going to summarize my old paradigm or false beliefs vs. the new truths I’ve learned and accepted from Tibbetts and Gallagher.  I can say that for me, this is really working and I believe it’s true but reading my post is probably not going to help you much unless it inspires you to go and listen to what these ladies have to say and then find your own way to implement the principles (assuming you come to believe they are true too).  No ones situation looks just like mine so lots of what I’m doing won’t apply to other families – but I believe the principles are true and you can find a way to apply them to your unique situation.

Might also be helpful for me to remind you what my situation is:  My husband and I have been married for 12 years and have adopted our 3 children.  Isabel is 6, Chloe and Liam are 18 months old but act more like 14 or 15 month-olds (they were born 4 months early and are still catching up).  We are homeschooling our kids in the TJED or Leadership Education model.  We live in suburbia and my husband has a full-time job away from our home.  I had brain surgery last fall and still need a tremendous amount of sleep to be functional (9-10 hours each night).  Thank goodness all my kids sleep 12-13 hours/night and the twins nap 2-4 hours during the day!  A lot of the terminology I use comes from TJED.  Core Phase refers to children ages 0-8 + or – several years.  Love of Learning Phase refers to children ages 8-12 + or – several years.  These are developmentally based and every kid develops differently.

My False Beliefs

1.     To fill Isabel’s love tank I must spend a significant amount of time reading or playing with her.

2.     It’s not right or possible to ask Isabel to do more than personal chores and a few, small family chores each day.  Someday when all my kids are older I will finally be able to teach her how to do all the cooking and cleaning I want her to know how to do and “get my promotion.”   (This is a reference to Cherie Logan’s statement that a Mom with older children who is still doing all the cooking and cleaning missed her promotion.)

3.     Isabel should be able to go do a simple chore by herself, without my supervision.

4.     Because it took her so long to do it, it wasn’t reasonable to ask Isabel to make her bed, clean her room, and get dressed before breakfast.

5.     Core Phase children should be read to for hours and hours, several days a week in order to inspire them to progress to Love of Learning Phase.

6.     At this point in my life, while I am homeschooling young children, it’s not possible to have a clean house.

7.     At this point in my life, while I am homeschooling young children, the only time I can really read to myself is early in the morning before the kids wake up or after they go to bed.

My New Truths

1.     Spending time working together and talking for several hours each morning totally fills Isabel’s love tank!  And after working so hard she is ready to go play independently for the rest of the afternoon.

2.     Core Phasers 4 ½ yrs old and above need to spend the whole morning working alongside Mom.  It develops the character and work habit they will need to later do the hard work of learning to read, write, and calculate.  And Isabel has never been happier than during this week of 3-4 hours of cleaning and cooking with me each day.  I see my “promotion” on the horizon.  When the twins are about 5 I will have 2-3 years (before Isabel moves to Scholar Phase) of supervising the family work while my 3 kids actually do most of it.  I finally feel like I’m really teaching Isabel how to work and she is feeling so proud and confident.  She’s happily envisioning the day when she can do everything on her own without my supervision.  She’s been saying things like, “Someday I’m going to be a good Mommy because I’ll know how to do all the chores!”

3.     Until a child has had a lot of experience working alongside Mom and learning how to do things with her, they won’t be ready/able to consistently do chores on their own, unsupervised.  My expectation that Isabel go clean her room and make her bed by herself wasn’t consistent with what she’s ready for and that’s why it would take her so long.  When I figured out a way for us to be together while we both cleaned our rooms and made our beds, she felt so much happier and motivated.  Our bedroom doors are directly across the hall from each other.  We put a gate up in the hall so the twins can’t get to our doors, open the doors and then talk while we work on our rooms.  Isabel likes to race me while we make our beds.  For almost all of the other work we do, we’re in the same room, working alongside each other at different tasks.

4.     Now that I’ve figured out how to motivate Isabel to get her personal chores done quickly, we can be at the breakfast table with personal chores done by 8 or 8:30 each morning.  That is early for our family.  I’ve made an effort to be at the table with her this week and we’ve started having our devotional at the table each morning.  It feels better this way. 

5.     Core Phase children should spend the morning working alongside Mom, with time for a daily devotional fit in, and the afternoon playing.  Work and play, in large quantities, is what will prepare them best for Love of Learning phase.  Being read to is important but daily devotional (focusing on our core book), 30 minutes of story time during the day and 20-60 minutes of evening family reading are sufficient to inspire a desire to learn to read and love books, if the available books are classics (worth reading and studying multiple times).  Seeing Mom and Dad read and study will also inspire this desire.

6.     It was such a thrill this week to discover how wrong I was!  With the way I structured our time this week, Isabel and I spent 3-4 hours each morning cooking and cleaning together.  I used to aim for keeping the kitchen sanitary, most of the time, and cleaning the bathroom before anyone came to stay from out of town, and I did a lot of cooking/baking but usually felt like I couldn’t keep up with my family’s appetite.    This week we have kept the kitchen clean all day, every day; cleaned the bathroom and maintained it; mopped the kitchen floor; vacuumed the whole house; emptied all the trashes; dusted; washed windows; and prepared tons of healthy food.  My fridge and cupboards are full of good stuff and we’ve had great dinners every night.  I didn’t think it was possible.  I can’t wait to see what we can accomplish next week.  I feel so much happier and my husband has really noticed.  He feels much more relaxed and peaceful when he gets home from work.  I’ve never seen Isabel so consistently happy and we’ve had no real discipline issues.  The twins seem just as happy as before – I don’t think they’ve really noticed. 

7.     Now that I’m getting so much work done with Isabel during the morning I can work on other things like bills, email, phone calls, reading and writing during the afternoons.  I don’t feel guilty or like I’m neglecting anything or anyone.  I hope the twins hang on to that afternoon nap for a good long while.  I know the transition period while the twins are not napping but also not playing independently will be tough but I’m not going to worry about that right now.  I am so loving today!

In case you want the detail, here is what our new day looks like:

·      Wakeup – if early enough, Mommy exercises and showers

·      Make Bed and Clean Rooms, get kids dressed

·      Make Breakfast with Isabel, have devotional around the table (song, prayer, pledge, scripture memorization, read from the Bible)

·      Isabel and I clean the kitchen together

·      Isabel and I spiff up the bathroom together (my mom’s term – it means wipe down the mirror, counter, sink, and toilet)

·      Twins go down for a morning nap if tired, if not they play while all this is going on.

·      Isabel and I do the days work for 2-3 hours.  I have a stack of cards with chores on them and I chunk them up into 5 groups, one group for each day, that becomes the days work.  These are all weekly or monthly chores.  If we are only going to be home for 3 or 4 days that week I’ll divide the cards into 3 or 4 groups and we’ll work longer on those fewer days.  I anticipate adding lots of chores to this stack – I know we can actually do it now!

·      Isabel and I make lunch.  We all eat lunch.  Isabel and I clean up lunch.

·      The twins go down for a nap.

·      I read to Isabel for about 30 minutes

·      Isabel goes to play outside or in her room for the afternoon while I work on the computer, make phone calls, or study.

·      I call Isabel in to clean up what she’s been playing with.

·      Isabel and I make dinner, set the table and help the twins clean up their toys.

·      Daddy comes home, we eat dinner.

·      Isabel and I clean up the kitchen while Daddy gets twins ready for bed.

·      We read as a family for 20-60 minutes.  The twins may go to bed during this time if they are tired.

·      All kids go to bed.

·      Mommy and Daddy read and talk and get to bed by 10pm.

To me, this is a beautiful way to live!

TJED Forum 2010

Every spring Diann Jeppson and www.tjedonline.com host the TJED Forum in Salt Lake City.  I have never been to one but I plan on going next year, 2011.  I won (in an online auction) the audio downloads for all the classes from 2009 and was so thrilled with them that this spring I bought the audio downloads for all the 2010 Forum adult classes as soon as they were available.  Each download is only $4.  If you want more than 23 of them (I did!) it’s a better deal to just buy all of them for $95.  So that’s what I did.  If you have youth 12-18 years old, they may be interested in the youth forum downloads.

These lectures are so inspiring and rejuvenating for me.  They totally fill my tank and get me going.  I highly recommend them—not just for homeschoolers.

You can read about the content and presenter of each lecture here and then pick those that apply to you.  Here is a list of my very favorites, the ones I will listen to multiple times and I’ve included recommendations on who I think would enjoy and benefit from them.  This reflects my personal interests and the stage my family is at.  There are some great ones I didn't list that may be more relevant to you.

For Concerned Citizens

**** A Renaissance of Kings by Andrew Groft

***** Becoming an Effective Influence by Julie Earley

**** What’s Classic About the Classics by Kelli Poll

**** Stories that Build Statesmen by Marlene Peterson

**** What is Georgic’s Anyway by William DeMille  (especially for anyone with a personal mission to Feed the Hungry)

For TJEDers and Homeschoolers

**** Unity in Community by Diann Jeppson

**** Ingredient 20, The Closet by Mary Ann Johnson

***** Journey through Core Phase by Keri Tibbetts

**** Nurturing a Love of Learning by Shauna Bird Dunn

**** Nurturing Excellent Writers by Andrew Pudewa

**** Co-op Scholar Mentoring by Dr. Jesse Meeks (great for mentors and scholar phase youth as an alternative to LEMI classes)

**** Putting it Together Day By Day by Angela Baker

**** Mentoring En Masse by Mary Beisinger

For Parents

***** Teach Your Kids to Work Their Little Britches Off by Lara Gallager

***** How to Teach Kids Who’d Rather Make Forts by Andrew Pudewa

**** What’s Classic About the Classics by Kelli Poll

**** Stories that Build Statesmen by Marlene Peterson

***** Teaching Self Government by Nicholeen Peck (Love her book!)

**** Motherhood: The Greatest Call by Rachel Keppner (especially for Moms)

**** The Power of Calm by Nicholeen Peck

For Entrepreneurs

**** Launching a New Business by David Grant

For Anyone Who Wants to Achieve Excellence (or help someone else do it)
***** Get Your 10,000

New Blog about Mom School

I started a new blog to document the goings on of the Mom School me and two friends run for our kids.  Check it out: Little Acorns.

Mentoring the Hero Generation

I'm so excited for this seminar.  Most TJED seminars I've attended have been pretty expensive but worth every penny.  This one is cheap and will be amazing.  I've seen this presenter before and she's so inspiring.  Come with me!  Here are the details:

Mentoring the Hero Generation


Presented by: Aneladee Milne

April 17, 2010
8:30 am- 5:00 pm
Renton, WA
Pre-register $30, $40 couples
Send check to
Moira Caswell
LEAPS
4417 S 338th St
Auburn, WA 98001
Questions? leapsinfo@yahoo.com

Thomas Jefferson, Patrick Henry, John Adams and your children all have something in common--Parents. You can make the difference. This entertaining and inspirational seminar will cover the following:

Your children have been identified by historians as the next Hero Generation. Find out what this means and how your children will be the heroes of the 21st Century. Learn more about a Thomas Jefferson Education and how implementing its
principles in your home can make your children want to study in their spare time.

Get a vision of Scholar Phase so you can guide your youth in gaining a vision of their mission. Learn effective parent mentoring skills. Effective parent mentoring can make all the difference in the success of your young scholars.

George Wythe College invited Aneladee Milne to present this seminar with Oliver DeMille. Now it comes to you!

Meet the Presenter : Aneladee Milne is a pioneer in applying Thomas Jefferson Education principles, presenting on the application of leadership education throughout the western United States and Canada . She is the co-owner of
Leadership Education Mentoring Institute (LEMI). She is one of the founders of the South Davis Liber Academy. She has mentored students who have won the George Wythe College Andau Scholarship for the past several years. Aneladee and
her husband Don have home schooled their six children since 1989. She is a graduate of George Wythe College, author of The New Commonwealth Schools, co-author of the Lost DaVinci's, and several "Scholar Projects" such as The Key
of Liberty America, Key of Liberty Canada and the Shakespeare Conquest.

I'm a bookseller!

After years of dreaming, I'm finally doing it.  I am in the book business.  Someday, maybe I'll have an actual store but for now I just have a few boxes of books that I can sell out of my house.  My inventory is mostly books from the TJED lists, classics for children and adults.  I'm not the cheapest source for these books but if you live near me, I'm pretty convenient.  A lot of these titles are not found in your typical big box store, though they will happily order them for you at no additional cost.  And I think amazon.com carries them all, usually at a discount.  Order $25 or more and you get free shipping.  One of my favorite online stores is www.classicbooksandgifts.com.

I also have a lot of luck finding great deals on the bargain shelves/tables at big box stores and Half Price Bookstores.  Lots of my friends get great deals at second hand stores like Goodwill.  There are lots of ways to get cheap books.

But if convenience and a TJED focused inventory are important to you, and you live close, I might be able to help you.

Let me know if you want to stop in sometime and peruse my books for sale.

Rachel's Mine

Rachel and Oliver DeMille are the authors of several TJED books, founders of George Wythe University and the family that started the whole TJED thing in the last 20 years.  I am very inspired by them both.  Rachel writes a great column on the tjedonline.com site called, Rachel's Mine.  I particularly loved her recent article, Kindling, Carrot Sticks, and Kidschool.  Check it out.  You have to register your name and email with the site to access the content but there are lots of great free things there.

I’m Thinking about Homeschooling…AGGHHHHH!

Is this you?

Most people I know who have decided to homeschool did not come to the decision through a peaceful, stress-free, planning process.  As soon as they allowed the possibility to flit through their head a racing heartbeat and cold sweat followed.  Most people push this “ridiculous” idea right back where it came from and move on.  But for some people, the idea just won’t leave them alone.  Eventually, they verbalize this thought to someone who most likely looks back at them with wide, stunned or even horrified eyes.  So, they try to forget about homeschool.  But the idea just keeps nagging at them.  If they are lucky they soon find a family or two of “normal” homeschoolers and they may be gently ushered into the world of homeschooling.  But for many, they make the decision to homeschool all alone and a panic attack ensues. I recently spoke to my sister’s friend who was in exactly this spot and it made me wish I had everything I wanted to say and share written down and neatly organized.  So here is my offer of help for anyone who finds themselves in a similar place.

If you are just exploring the idea, keep exploring and don’t commit until you and your husband KNOW it is the right thing for your family.  I’m a big fan of homeschool and I think anyone can succeed at it but I also firmly believe that each family needs to do what’s right for them.  Whatever education system and philosophy you choose to participate in, your experience will be better if you are united as a family and choose it together.  And honestly, it will be doubly hard to get through the hard times (which will occur no matter what you choose) if you and your spouse are not on the same page.  So if you have decided homeschool is right for your family and you’re trying to stop yourself from totally freaking out, proceed.

You are now facing several decisions as well as lots of fears and concerns.  Here’s what I recommend for dealing with and alleviating these things.

1.  Find Out What Your State’s Legal Requirements For Homeschooling Are.  It’s different for each state.  Some states make it easier than others but usually it boils down to a few forms that have to be submitted every fall.  Google “homeschool in [your state]” and you will find state homeschooling organizations that will probably have it all outlined for you.  Even better, find someone in your state who homeschools and ask them to help you figure it out.  I’ve noticed that the paperwork/requirements sound a lot simpler when explained by a real live homeschooling parent than all the legalese that appears on homeschooling websites. 

2.  What Educational Philosophy will you follow?  If you already know the answer to this, immerse yourself in the philosophy’s literature.  If you don’t, you don’t need to decide right away.  Plan on learning about your options, trying a few things out and taking AT LEAST a year to settle on something.  

There are homeschoolers who use a K-12 program that looks just like public school with a virtual teacher, standard curriculum, homework, and a lot of guidance/requirements.  On the other extreme are unschoolers who don’t do anything that “looks” like school but swear that their families are getting great educations.  In between are a billion other options.  You don’t have to investigate all of them.  I believe you will be led to the one or few that are best for your family.  Put your feelers out, see what comes back and check out the things that resonate with you.  You don’t have to adopt one philosophy either.  You can be an eclectic homeschooler and do a little of this and a little of that.  As a reminder, my family has chosen Leadership Education as our educational philosophy and I’m pretty biased in favor of it so take what I say with that in mind.  Homeschool conferences, usually held throughout the summer, are great places to get exposed to different philosophies and ideas.  I’ve never been to one but I hear they are fabulous.  They can also be overwhelming so don’t go to one yet if you are afraid this could be bad for you.

3. Take It A Year At a Time. You don’t have to decide what you are doing for school for the next 12 years, just focus on this year.  Every summer you can reevaluate and adjust as needed.  If you discover mid-year that something is really not working, you can make changes then too.  

4. Demystify Public School and Homeschool.   If you’ve never spent real time in a public school classroom you probably have some totally unrealistic ideas about what goes on there.  I’m not saying it’s bad – a lot of great things happen there.  My best friend was a 4^th grade teacher for several years and I visited her classroom many times.  She’s the best teacher I know.  She once told me, “If I could have a class with just 5 kids, at the end of the year I could give you 5 little geniuses.  But I can’t do that with 25 kids.”  Yes, the teachers have been specifically educated and trained for this but even the best ones, like my friend, only get to use a fraction of their skills and knowledge to teach in the public school environment.  They spend most of their energy on classroom management, not teaching.  Seeing is believing.  Find a teacher who will let you visit/help in their class and you will see what school is really like.  It will help you feel less stressed about trying to do it yourself at home. 

      You probably have some unrealistic ideas about what successful homeschoolers do in a typical day too.  Find a family who will let you be a fly on the wall for a day.  You will learn how much can be accomplished in the home environment and see how it actually happens – it’s not magic and you don’t have to be superwoman to pull it off.  There are families that follow a rigorous K-12 curriculum with Mom putting together daily lesson plans and elaborate field trips.  I must confess that I don’t know how they do it—the few I’ve known do seem ultra stressed or have a lot of paid help.  What I do, Leadership Education, feels easier, more family friendly, and the most effective.  But that’s my bias.


5.  Find The Right Resources. There are thousands of homeschool websites with curriculum for sale, project ideas, networking groups and online communities.  Once you know which philosophies you want to explore (choose just a few) find the best resources associated with them.  Ask your friends, join the online community, talk to people, you’ll find what you need.

Here’s my list of resources

a.     A Thomas Jefferson Education

b.     Leadership Education (My favorite of the TJED books)

c.      TJED Home Companion

d.     TJED for Teens

e.     www.tjedonline.com (sign up for a monthly subscription for additional resources each month)

f.    https://www.facebook.com/groups/TJEdDiscussion/  (Facebook group)
g.  www.familyforum.co  (Annual Family Forum event in SLC and the audio downloads of past years talks and classes)
h.     www.familyforum.co/store/family-builder  (The Family Builder Training Program)

i.       www.gw.edu (get your own leadership education)

j.       www.goodreads.com (Become my Good Reads friend if you want to see what my family reads and my reviews of the books we’ve read.  Find other like-minded Good Reads friends and scour their bookshelves for ideas.)
j.  www.tjed.org/twih/sample/  (This Week in History, online resource for bringing history to life)

k.     www.mathusee.com (I don’t recommend using this as curriculum and requiring your kids to do it every day, just have it around and when your kids ask a question with numbers, get out the manipulatives and show them the answer.  Let them “play” with the workbooks as often as they like.)

l.       Core Knowledge Series (I don’t recommend using any curriculum as curriculum, just have it around as a resource.  These books are great for helping you see what is age appropriate, giving you additional ideas for things to expose your kids to, and as a springboard for deeper studies.  I love that these aren’t just lists, they actually contain the content they recommend.)
m.  The Student Whisperer (on Mentoring Scholar Phase)
n.  For the Love of Learning: Give Your Child a LOLIPOP Education  (all about Love of Learning Phase and organizing clubs and classes for kids ages 8-14.)
o.  The Life of Fred (Math Curriculum that teaches math through a series of very amusing stories.  Covers beginning math all the way to calculus.)

6.  Fill Your Tank.  If this homeschool thing is right for your family you will know it and at some point, you will feel great clarity, peace, hope, excitement and enthusiasm about the whole thing.  Then, you will panic again.  It’s a cycle that most people go through several times.  This is normal.  The key is to keep your tank filled.  Figure out what inspires you, makes you feel at peace, gives you clarity, hope, and enthusiasm and get some of it regularly.  For me this is book clubs, talks with my TJED friends, TJED seminars (attending them live or listening to them), reading with my kids, reading with my husband, dates and getaways with my husband.  If you keep your tank filled, your panic attacks will be less frequent and less severe.  You will start to recognize the cycle and head off the panic attack before it really hits.

7.  Only Talk About This With People Who Will Support You, For Now.   Some people will take the news that you are homeschooling very badly.  That does not mean you are doing the wrong thing.  You and your husband are the only ones that need to agree on this decision – if you KNOW it’s right for your family, you don’t need anyone else’s permission.  But, at the beginning of this journey, you do need support and encouragement and you really don’t need anyone else’s doubts piled on top of your own.  So protect yourself.  Don’t discuss it with anyone who just wants to talk you out of it.  Later, when you are feeling sure of yourself you can have a long discussion with them, hear all their concerns and maybe even resolve some of them.  Sometimes a loved one just needs a chance to express all their fears and concerns.  They care about you and your kids and they are afraid.  Or, they may think your choice, being so different than theirs, is a judgment on them.  If you can listen sincerely and not engage in a debate, it may relieve some pressure and tension.  As you plod ahead on the path you’ve chosen your family and friends will begin to see the proof in the pudding and most of them will line up in firm support of you.  My best friend, a public school teacher at the time, didn’t really want to know anything about Leadership Education until she started noticing how much my oldest daughter was learning and doing as result of our homeschool.  After reading A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille, she realized she wanted to do this too and is homeschooling her daughters. 

Good luck!  Tell me how your journey is going.  I love to hear other's experiences with this.