Christmas 2009

We had a really great Christmas season this year. The calm, peaceful, quiet experience was such a contrast to last year's crazy adventure. The twins have added so much to our joy. We've spent a lot of quiet evenings at home all together reading Christmas stories, singing carols, and dancing to Christmas music. We celebrate Christmas Eve with an enchilada dinner and a family performance of the nativity. Sadly, Kelly was sick with food poisoning all day on Christmas Eve but by Christmas morning was much better. We've saved him some enchiladas for later.

This year's nativity was one of the cutest things I've ever seen. I'll put a clip from it on here so you can see who I think are the most adorable Mary, Joseph, and Angel ever cast in a nativity. The camera man was queasy-sorry if his filming makes you feel the same. The donkey was a little sheepish about being filmed but it was necessary.

Christmas morning was a joy. The twins couldn't believe it when we handed them presents and encouraged them to tear open the wrapping paper. We've been shooing them away from the tree and presents all month. They were happy to get gifts but really wished we'd just let them eat the paper. All the Christmas morning pics are on Kelly's camera. I'll try to get them uploaded soon.

Christmas Letter

I sent this letter as our Christmas Card this year so nothing new for some of you but it sums up the crazy year that was 2009 for our family, so I'm posting it here.

Dear Family and Friends,
We had such an eventful year in 2009 that we wanted to share the highlights with you.
The first, most exciting event began last year, just before Christmas. We found out we would be adopting twin babies, a boy and girl. Isabel had asked for a baby for Christmas the 2 previous years and we were so excited to finally grant her wish.

The twins were born in Utah, 4 months early, on November 15, 2008. Their early birth classified them as micro-preemies. Chloe came first, weighing in at 1 lb. 6 oz and Liam followed, weighing in at 1 lb. 5.5 oz. We first learned about them when they were about a month old, on December 13, 2008. That was a Saturday. On the following Tuesday we spoke to their birthmother. Wednesday she chose us to adopt the twins. Thursday we bought a minivan. Friday we packed it up and drove off to Utah to go be with our babies.

The twins had to remain in the NICU at IMC hospital in Murray, Utah until February 7, 2009. Jen and Isabel stayed with family in Utah the whole time and Kelly flew back and forth on weekends. Family members watched Isabel while Jen spent time with Chloe and Liam in the hospital. When Kelly was there, he divided his time between Isabel and the babies. His employer and coworkers were wonderfully supportive and flexible during this adventure.

Being born so early and so tiny, the twins battled many health challenges in those first months. We brought them home to the Seattle area at the end of February. Because the babies were so fragile and immune compromised, we kept them at home all winter and spring and limited our contact with the outside world. We were just about ready to get out in society when Swine Flu hit. So, we stayed at home an extra month. We finally started getting out in June. Now that we are back in RSV/Flu season we are staying at home again. You can see pictures and read more about the twins NICU stay at www.jarrettfamilyadventure.blogspot.com.

The twins are healthy and growing. They are miracle babies. Technically they are 1 year old but their adjusted age is 8 months old. Liam had more problems than Chloe, and is behind her developmentally but they are both progressing well and we expect them to catch up and live normal healthy lives. Chloe started out bigger but now she is the tiny one. She weighs a little more than 14 pounds and wears 3-6 month old clothing. She has just started crawling and gets into everything. She has no idea she’s so little. Liam, or “the tank,” as we often call him, has bulked up and now weighs about 18 pounds and wears 6-9 month old clothing. He seems really big to us. He is working on rolling onto his tummy. He would like to skip crawling and go straight to standing and walking but his physical therapist says it’s really important for him to crawl first. She is pleased with his progress and thinks he will crawl soon. Both babies love to sit and play. Chloe likes peek-a-boo and Liam likes patty-cake. They both say Dadada often. Every now and then we hear a mama from one of them.

They definitely have a special “twin” connection. As soon as we brought them home we put them in the same crib. Recently we decided to separate them because Chloe is always crawling and rolling all over Liam and when he’s had it he will wallop or bite her. When we separated them Chloe cried really hard. After a day of naps and bedtime in separate cribs, Mom felt really bad for lonely little Chloe spinning around in her crib all by herself, looking for brother. So we tried putting them back together and Chloe was so happy. She curled over on her side right next to Liam, popped her thumb in her mouth and closed her eyes. Liam looked pretty happy too. We will keep them in the same crib until one of them truly wants to be alone.

Isabel is a happy, helpful, and loving big sister. It has been heartwarming to watch her embrace this new role. The twins adore her. She will tell you that being a big sister is hard work and sometimes she’d like to have all of Mommy and Daddy’s attention but whenever she gets the chance she tells people, “This is my brother and sister. I am their big sister.” We hope to legally finalize the twins’ adoption in December and then seal them to our family eternally in a religious ceremony in January.

The first 6 months with any baby are challenging. The first 6 months with micro-preemie twins are something that can’t be described, only experienced. We have lived to tell about it and are so grateful that Chloe and Liam have joined our family. In the summer we really started to get into a rhythm with our new life. We felt like we could handle our situation and were looking forward to the coming months. Jen was working to establish a home school group for Isabel that would start in the fall and Kelly was planning on a work trip to Tanzania in eastern Africa. I guess someone thought we needed a little more excitement to close out the year.

At the end of September, Jen got sick with severe nausea, dizziness, and balance problems. After going to the ER and being admitted to the hospital, she was diagnosed with a cavernoma in her cerebellum that had to be removed via brain surgery. Jen had surgery on October 1st while Isabel celebrated her 6th birthday. After successful surgery and a 5 week stay in the hospital, Jen came home in mid October. Our family, friends, and Kelly’s coworkers have been unbelievably supportive and helpful. Grandmas came at different times to take care of all the children so Kelly could go to work and Kelly’s coworkers encouraged him to take as much time off as he needed to deal with the situation. As you may have guessed, he did not take that trip to Tanzania. Jen went ahead with launching the homeschool group, thanks to her dedicated friends. Jen hosted a meeting at the hospital prior to her surgery and her friends got the ball rolling. Isabel has enjoyed participating in the group this fall and Jen has even been a couple times.

Jen has been home for almost a month now and is recovering well. She has double vision and wears a patch to help with this. She has also had a lot of balance problems but is getting better and looks less like a drunken pirate every day. She’s heard a lot of pirate jokes, mostly from Kelly, and says, “go ahead, take your best shot. Maybe you’ll outdo him.” She is now able to care for the kids and our home at a basic level and has reengaged with our homeschool community and our church. We are all so grateful that her health is returning and that there will be no permanent consequences. It may take months but the doctors expect all her symptoms to go away and there shouldn’t be any future problems with her brain.

The Christmas Season is our favorite time of year. As we reflect on the gift of our Savior’s birth and feel the warm spirit it brings to the world we are grateful for all our blessings and want to share that feeling with our friends and family. This year, more than ever, we have so much to be grateful for. Thank you for all you have done to help, pray for, and think of us this year.

Love,

The Jarretts
Kelly, Jen, Isabel, Chloe, and Liam


PS Keep in touch! Kelly is on facebook. Jen has a blog at www.mavenhood.blogspot.com. We are both on goodreads.com

A couple updates as of 12/25/09: Jen is now patchless with some double-vision but much improved. She still can't drive but hopefully soon! Liam is crawling and rolling and getting ready to walk. Chloe is crusing along furniture and we expect her to walk soon. The twins went to "school" with Jen and Isabel this month and it was fun. The twins pediatrician encouraged us to start going into public more this winter instead of hiding out at home. So, we are going to church and our homeschool group. Yea!

Christmas Picture

So if you are on my Christmas Card list I'm spoiling the surprise but this is too cute, I have to post it. Chloe and Liam just turned 1. Isabel just turned 6. I love my kids!

Back to Basics

Wow! The last 7 months of my life have been crazy wonderful. Our twins, Chloe and Liam are doing so great. Check out recent pics of them here. It is so fun to be the mother of 3 adorable, hilarious, sweet, lovable, and always-changing children. And, obviously it is time consuming and hard work. But I've dreamed of being this kind of busy for a long time. I'm trying to soak it up and enjoy every minute and remember that before I know it my little ones will be grown up and I'll be wishing for these days again. Somehow I manage to read tons but that's about all I do besides taking care of children and very basic, not-quite-adequate housekeeping. Maybe today is the day the bathroom will actually get done...

Isabel turns 6 in October and this would be the year she would enroll in Public School if we weren't homeschooling. With all our family changes a lot of people have asked if I will still be able to homeschool my kids. I know most people think it gets harder with more kids but I can now say with a few months worth of experience, that at least for now, it is easier. If I were doing a K-12 program that looked like public school then yeah, it might be impossible to do but when your engaged in Leadership Education, having a family with lots of kids makes it so much better. One of the principles of this philosophy is "Inspire not Require." That's where most of my energy goes - finding new ways to inpsire Isabel. Having the twins has inspired her to do lots of new things.

One example is reading. She loves to be read to and sometimes shows a desire to read herself but "reading" (what beginning readers do using a combination of sight reading, phonics, contextual clues, and guessing) to Mom is like a test and feels pointless. Mom already knows what the words on the page say and she'll know if you read it wrong--she doesn't need you to read to her. But "reading" to your little brother and sister is exciting! They certainly can't read for themselves and are excited to have your attention. Plus, they don't know if you read it right or wrong. You get to be the big, knowledgeable person while you practice things you are learning. Isabel has made a lot of progress in her reading lately and I know it's because she's been inspired by the presence of her baby brother and sister.

We've also had some success restructuring our morning routine. We have to schedule ourselves around the babies eating and napping times. This has forced us to be a little more structured and gives a nice flow to our day. All 3 of my kids are in core phase. In core phase we focus on teaching them good/bad, right/wrong, true/false, work, family relationships, and responsiblity. So our day is structured to facilitate this. I get up before all the kids to exercise and shower. Then I feed babies while Isabel gets her own breakfast, showers, and gets dressed. Having the babies has given her the motivation and opportunity to learn more skills and become more independent. While the babies play we start our morning chores together: dishes and kitchen clean-up, make the beds, pick-up bedrooms and livingroom, vacuum and laundry. If we did a good job the day before and didn't leave a lot of messes for ourselves, the morning cleanup only takes 30-45 minutes. After the twins have played for 20-40 minutes they are ready for a nap.

When our chores are done we use the rest of naptime for school time. That is, we do whatever Isabel is inspired to do. Usually we cuddle up in the chaise lounge with a novel and read for an hour or more. Other things we do are read library and picture books, do art projects, bake in the kitchen, work in the garden, listen to music, dance, and play games. I try to keep a running list in my head all week of things Isabel has expressed an interest in and then we use our morning time to do things from the list. I'm always putting things on hold at the library and once a week Kelly or I pick up the latest stack of books. I try to bring in resources and materials in response to Isabel's interests. I don't make her do anything during school time, I just respond to her needs and interests. Over the past few weeks we've learned about microbes, ants, gardening, Beethoven, and poetry; read the scriptures, dozens of fairytales, a handful of novels, and stacks of pictures books; baked different kinds of bread and muffins; planted and maintained a square foot garden (with some major help from our friends Rachel and Jason - thank you!);

and turned Isabel's bedroom into a gallery of her paintings.

This is how she learns the core phase lessons of good/bad, right/wrong, true/false, work, family relationships, and responsibility.

Before the babies wake up we try to eat lunch. If we don't stop in time, Isabel makes a sandwich for herself. Then she runs outside to play on nice days or finds something to do inside. I read to myself whenever I'm nursing. During the twins second nap I do whatever I can from my to-do list in 90 minutes. Then I feed them again. By now it's 5pm and time to get dinner ready, pickup the house and get ready for Daddy to come home. Isabel helps with dinner and pick-up. We eat dinner at about 6 or 6:30. We all do the dishes together. At 7:30 or so, the twins eat again while I read the family novel-du-jour to Kelly and Isabel. Right now it's Charlotte's Web. Then Kelly tucks Isabel into bed. At about 8:30 or 9 we put the twins to bed and then it's our time to read, talk, do whatever. Last night we started reading "Carry on Mr. Bowditch" together. I love reading with Kelly.

And, that's what an ideal day looks like at our house. On a good week, 3 or 4 of our days looks like this. On a bad week maybe only 1 does. Having 10-15 ideal days in a month is success in my book.

How to be Inspired Instead of Overwhelmed

I wrote this essay for my bookclub meeting. We just read Walden by Thoreau.

Many of us are pursuing less-traveled roads. Once you start down one of these paths you quickly become aware of dozens of other unconventional approaches to life. Soon you are discovering 10-20 new ideas each week. The advocates for all these great ideas are passionate, knowledgeable and inspiring. You can start to feel like you’ve got to adopt every great new idea you learn about. But you can’t and you know it so you start to feel overwhelmed. You question your ability to live any of these great ideas and maybe you even chicken out and go back to the conventional life where you didn’t feel so much pressure and uncertainty.

Don’t let this be you! Learn how to evaluate all these ideas, say no to the ones you don’t need, maybe later to the ones you don’t need now and yes to things you really should be doing.

1. Be skeptical – As you evaluate any new idea remind yourself that just because your best friend thinks it’s wonderful or because you got excited when you first heard about it doesn’t mean it is something you should incorporate into your life. It is good to say no to most things. Statesmen who change to world don’t do everything – they do a few things really well.

2. Measure everything against your core book or core beliefs. If it doesn’t support and harmonize with your core book, it’s not for you.

3. If you are still interested in the idea, decide which category to put it in. I like to bucket ideas into three categories.

a. Maybe someday, but definitely not now – it’s helpful to make a physical list for these and keep it handy. Someday when you are feeling bored and uninspired you can look at this list and see if anything jumps out at you.

b. Explore in the next year – add this to your annual planning list and next time you sit down to plan you can begin to work this new idea into your plan following the guidelines in step 4.

c. Something so earth shattering and valuable I need to drop everything and get on this band wagon now – Proceed to step 4.

4. Start learning as much as you can about this new idea. Search out every book, lecture, seminar, or other resource that can teach you about this idea. Find and talk to real live people who are living it. You’ve get to learn about it in depth before you decide to let it change your life. If it’s a small idea you won’t need to go far with your research but if it is life changing you really need to go deep. Read and re-read the best sources of information you can find on the idea. Try to learn the main principles so well you could teach it to someone else. Marinate in the idea for a few months and even attempt to live it a little. If at any time in this process you learn that the idea does not support your core book or you decide it just isn’t right for you, abandon it. If you’ve made a mistake and this really should be part of your life, the idea will resurface when you are ready for it.

5. Once you’ve studied the idea deeply and decided it’s definitely for you, take it to your Higher Power. Pray, meditate or do whatever you do to get answers. Seek for confirmation that this life changing idea is something you should incorporate into your life. Don’t move forward until you get this confirmation. Once you get a confirmation, don’t look back. If you never get a confirmation pray for understanding and guidance – maybe this idea was just meant to open your eyes and prepare you for an even better idea.

6. If this big idea will affect your whole family, now is the time to take it to your spouse. Pray about how to do this most effectively. You know them best. You can predict how he/she will react to just about anything you do – run through a few scenarios in your mind before you decide how to best share this new idea. Read Esther’s story in the Bible for some inspiration. Remember to trust his/her judgment and respect his/her position in your family. Go to him/her with a true desire to work with them to evaluate the idea and decide if, how, and when to implement this with your family. This process may take a long time. If he/she asks challenging questions go find really good answers for them. Show him/her that you really value his/her opinion. Keep coming back to him/her until he/she has convinced you it’s not a good idea or you have convinced him/her it is a good idea. Be open to both options.

7. Make a plan with your spouse for how to implement the idea and go for it.

I have twins!

My husband and I found out about a week and a half ago that we are adopting twin babies. It's crazy but wonderful situation. You can read about it on this blog http://jarrettfamilyadventure.blogspot.com/ that my Aunt is managing for us. Due to a sudden lack of time I won't be posting a whole lot on Mavenhood for awhile. Maybe in a few months when we bring our babies home and I get the mother of twins thing figured out...I'm sure some of you are laughing now:)

All Things Pumpkin

I love pumpkin.

In addition to pumpkin pie, for Thanksgiving I make pumpkin biscuits and serve them with cranberry butter. I think Isabel lived on these for a couple of days.

Pumpkin Biscuits (Adapted from a Martha Stewart recipe)
12 tbls unsalted butter
4 c flour
2 tbls baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 ½ tsp salt
6 tbls brown sugar
pinch of ginger
2 c cooked pumpkin
1 ½ c buttermilk

Preheat oven to 400. Melt butter in small bowl. In medium bowl combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, brown sugar, and ginger. Cut in butter. Make a well in the center, and add pumpkin with a fork. Stir in buttermilk till dough comes together. Dust dough with flour and knead 8 times. Pat dough out and cut biscuits. Brush tops with butter and bake until golden brown, 15 – 18 minutes.

Cranberry Butter (from Martha Stewart)
1c cranberry sauce
1 c butter

Blend in food processor until smooth

Last weekend we went to the University District farmers market (it’s open all year!) and Isabel just had to have a pumpkin. So I hunted up a few more pumpkin recipes and we’ve tried them over the last two days. 1 pumpkin goes a long way…

Pumpkin Risotto (adapted from a Sweet Potato Risotto recipe in Real Simple magazine)

2 T olive oil
½ c onion finely chopped
Salt and pepper to taste
1 pound of uncooked, peeled pumpkin, cut into ¼ inch pieces
2 cloves of garlic
1 c rice (I used par-boiled brown rice that cook’s in 20-30 minutes)
2 c chicken broth
½ c grated Parmesan (I’m sure I used more than this)
5 leaves of fresh sage, finely chopped

Heat the oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the onion, ½ t salt, and ¼ t pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until soft, 4 to 6 minutes. Add the pumpkin and garlic, and cook, stirring occasionally, for 2 minutes. Add the rice and cook, stirring for 2 minutes. Add the broth and cook, stirring frequently, until absorbed. Measure 3 ½ c water. Add ¾ c at a time and cook, stirring occasionally and waiting until each addition is absorbed before adding the next. It should take 25 – 30 minutes for all the water to be absorbed (It took me more water, probably because my rice was brown). Check that the rice is tender, if not add more water and cook longer. Stir in parmesan and sage.

Isabel and I loved this for dinner last night. Great comfort food. I will definitely make it again.

Toasted Pumpkin seeds

Handful or more of pumpkin seeds
1 T olive oil
Salt to taste

In a small non-stick skillet heat oil over medium heat. Add pumpkin seeds and toast stirring constantly. When the seeds puff and turn golden brown remove from heat. Sprinkle with salt to taste.

These were so satisfying to crunch and they hit that salty snack craving perfectly.

Pumpkin Blender Wheat Waffles (My friend Christina shared this recipe with me. She got it here.)
1 Cup Milk (3 T. Powdered Milk and 1 C. Water)
1 Cup + 2 Tbs Wheat Kernels, whole &; uncooked
2 Eggs (2 T. Powdered Eggs and 1/4 C. Water)
2 tsp. Baking Powder
1/2 tsp. Salt
1/4 Cup Oil
1/2 Cup Pureed, Cooked Pumpkin
1-1/2 t. Pumpkin Pie Spice
2 Tbs. Sugar

Put milk and wheat kernels in blender. Blend on highest speed for 4 or 5 minutes or until batter is smooth. Add eggs, oil, baking powder, salt, pumpkin, pumpkin pie spice and honey or sugar to above batter. Blend on low. Pour batter into hot prepared waffle iron from the actual blender jar (only one thing to wash!)
For a yummy variation, put chopped pecans on the top of the batter in the waffle iron before closing.

There was a recipe with this for caramel syrup but we loved it with plain old maple syrup. This was so easy to make and they were some of the best waffles I’ve ever had. Can’t wait to make them again!

I haven’t tried this recipe yet but it sounds amazing and the reviews were great. I bet the candied pumpkin seeds alone will be worth it.

Warm Pumpkin Salad with Polenta and Candied Pumpkin Seeds

Comfort Salad

I love comfort food. Relying on food to soothe or enhance my emotions is one of my ongoing struggles. I hope to someday conquer it. In the meantime I try to find healthy recipes that feel like comfort food to me.

Avocado Tomato Salad is one of my current favorites. The avocado is creamy, the tomato, lime juice, and salt make it super-flavorful, and it totally satisfies me. I also love knowing that the avocado and tomato have tons of disease-preventing nutrients and heart-healthy fat. You could serve this over a bed of greens for a bigger salad.

Avocado Tomato Salad (Makes 1 lunch-size serving)
1 tomato
1 avocado
EVOO
Lime Juice
Salt

1. Dice the tomato and avocado and combine in a bowl
2. Drizzle with EVOO
3. Add lime Juice and Salt to taste. Start with just a little of each and keep adding until it tastes just right.

Green Smoothies

I absolutely refuse to be sick this Christmas. I have spent too many Holiday seasons with a cold or the flu and last year was the worst. I came down with a make-you-want-to-die version of the flu on Christmas Day and the next 10 days were terrible. I missed out on many family plans, including Christmas Dinner and instead of enjoying time with my husband off from work, I barely remember it. I know he was thrilled with the experience too.

I’m one of those people who believe that good nutrition, good sleep, and exercise can solve a majority of health problems. I’ve experienced it myself and I know it works. So this year I’m going to do everything in my power to stay healthy and prevent illness. The problem is, it’s hard to eat really healthy all the time and it’s especially hard during the holidays. I struggle most with getting enough greens and veggies in. I recently discovered a shortcut: Green Smoothies. My friend Rachel introduced me to the concept. Thanks Rach!

A Green Smoothie is packed with disease preventing nutrients, yet it’s much easier to eat than a plate of salad or vegetables and especially useful when you’re in a hurry. It takes 5 minutes to make and about 10 minutes to eat. After I drink two glassfuls, I feel really satisfied and my energy level goes way up for the rest of the day. It also minimizes my desire for less healthy options. I’m betting that this year, if I eat at least one green smoothie a day, I will avoid the dreaded Christmas cold or flu.

So what’s in a green smoothie you ask? You can make a Green Smoothie with any combination of fruits, leafy greens, and water that can be pureed in a blender. It sounds weird, I know, but it really does taste good. Some versions actually look green while my favorite version looks dark purple. I shared my pitcher of green smoothie today with my daughter and her 3 visiting friends.

Their faces tell the story--they loved it.


















My Favorite Green Smoothie

3 bananas
2 satsumas, mandarins, or tangerines
4-6 cups of spinach
2 cups of frozen berries (blackberries, blueberries, and raspberries)
Enough water to make it a smoothie

1. Puree bananas, oranges and some water
2. Add spinach a handful at a time, puree and add more until you’ve added it all. Add water as needed
3. Add frozen berries a handful at a time until pureed. Add more water as needed.
4. Serve it up and enjoy. This makes 7-8 cups.

Pieta and Motherhood

I was first exposed to Michelangelo’s Pieta when I read My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok. The story’s protagonist, Asher Lev, is drawn to and studies various Pieta sculptures, including this one. The first time I saw a picture of this Pieta, I was stunned by the beauty of the work. The word “pieta” is Italian for “piety”. Piety is often thought of as an insincere show of religious devotion but the true meaning of the word is reverence for God or devout fulfillment of religious obligations. As I’ve continued to study Michelangelo’s Pieta, I have come to see it as a symbol of motherhood and the many types of suffering associated with motherhood. There are many Pieta paintings and sculptures that attempt to depict the suffering of Mary as she holds the dead body of her son, but most of them depict suffering as grotesque and terrible. For me, only this Pieta captures the beauty inherent in this kind of suffering.

Though the suffering of Christ was a result of evil and destructive forces, God consecrated it, making it productive and purpose-filled. For the atonement to have the power of redeeming men from sin, Christ had to allow himself to be sacrificed. He didn’t want to but He knew it was necessary and submitted His will to the Father’s. As Christ said, “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.” Christ’s willing submission made all the difference.

Suffering can become a gateway to the greatest blessings the Father has to offer us. As C.S. Lewis wrote in his essay A Slip of the Tongue, “For it is not so much of our time and so much of our attention that God demands; it is not even all our time and all our attention; it is ourselves...For He has, in the last resort, nothing to give us but Himself; and He can give that only insofar as our self-affirming will retires and makes room for Him in our souls.” Lewis continues, “For He claims all, because He is love and must bless. He cannot bless us unless He has us.” That is where this kind of suffering can lead us. Michelangelo’s Pieta embodies this truth.

I relate to this piece of art on a personal level. In my own small way, I know about this kind of suffering. I spent several long years desperately trying to become a mother and ultimately learning that my husband and I could not have children biologically. It wasn’t until I accepted this truth and learned to live with it that we were finally able to become parents through adoption.

When I look at Michelangelo’s Pieta, I see an expression of my personal experience with suffering and submitting to God’s will. Though Mary holds her son’s body, her arms are really empty. He is not there. His spirit is gone. I remember the ache I felt in my arms, longing to hold a baby of my own.

Mary though in the midst of her greatest suffering appears young, beautiful and God-like. She has been transformed by the experience. The agony I felt seemed unbearable but I survived it and it transformed me. Mary contemplates her son with a pained but peaceful expression. Her left hand questions “why” while the rest of her body rests calmly and submissively in acceptance of God’s will. I remember asking why and learning to be content with the answer, “Someday you will understand. For now, accept it as my will.”

This moment is for Mary the ultimate fulfillment of the commitment she made years before, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.” I loved that scripture as a young woman and had a picture of Mary talking to the angel, hanging in my bedroom. I thought of Mary as the quintessential mother and wanted to be like her when I grew up. I knew that God wanted me to be a mother someday and that motherhood would be my greatest work on earth. I did not understand then what I would go through to fulfill that commitment.

Mary gently cradles her full grown son as if to say, there are no limits on the depth and breadth of a mother’s love. It is eternal. That is how I feel about my daughter. It doesn’t matter that we are not biologically connected. I am her mother therefore my love for her is boundless. Mary doesn’t cling to Christ with desperation or possessiveness as many mothers would in this moment. She is fully present and feels the pain and anguish deeply, but she possesses such self-mastery that she is able to simultaneously accept this as God’s will. This reminds me of the peace and hope that came when I finally accepted God’s will for my family. I still felt the pain but somehow I could bear it.

The hard, permanent, stone of the sculpture is much like Mary’s quite determination. She is not looking for an escape or distraction — she will remain in this painful moment until God will’s it otherwise. I did not know how long I would wait to become a mother but I accepted that it would be on God’s timetable and learned to wait patiently.

For me, the great weight of Mary’s robes folding and piling up around her symbolize the weight of all she bears. Now that I am a mother, I have discovered a range of new fears and pains and I see them in Mary’s suffering too. There is the constant worry that I will fail as a mother. There is the fear that my precious child will die before I do. There is the agony of watching my daughter suffer. There is the knowledge that I cannot make her choices for her and the fear that she will reject the things I’ve taught her about good and bad, right and wrong, true and false. All these are the burdens of motherhood and there is something in Mary’s countenance that tells me she knows these too.

Dorothy's Halloween

Isabel was Dorothy for Halloween and thoroughly enjoyed the role. She especially liked wearing makeup and after we finished putting it on she batted her eyelashes and said in her attempt at a demure southern accent, "Do I look like the character?" Thanks to Grandma Tresa for making the dress. It turned out so cute!

After trick-or-treating we came back to the Bradbury's house for a family party. Dinner-in-a-pumpkin has become a much anticipated tradition thanks to Aunt Jodi. This year dinner was in little individual pumpkins. Yummm!!!

Politics for Toddlers

There is something different about this election--it's on everyone's mind. Including, apparently, my 5 yr old and her friends. She's having a slumber party tonight with a 4 yr old friend. While I was listening to the news, I overheard Isabel say something to her friend about John McCain and Obama. Her friend responded with, "And Sarah Palin." Did I really just hear that? If this is what today's children talk about at slumber parties, what will they be doing as adults? I can't wait to watch them do it! They followed up their dinner conversation by watching Alvin and the Chipmunks - seems like a nice balance.

Isabel's Scarecrow, It's a casual thing

On Monday Isabel and I read The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum. She just kept begging me to read one more chapter and one more chapter until we finished it. This was the first time I've ever seen her completely engaged by a book and it was so fun. We've had lots of discussions about the book and characters since then. Isabel was particularly taken with the scarecrow. While visiting family in Utah this summer she got to see Grandpa Jarrett's farm in Nephi and his scarecrow. With all that inspiration, Isabel decided we should make our own scarecrow, so that's what we did today. It was a lot of fun. The best part was hearing Isabel talk about the scarecrow and his significance in her life. Check out the video for a really good laugh.

My Little Angel

There aren't words for this one.

Isabel ABC

Isabel brought me this picture the other day. I thought it was really cute and it's exciting to see her learning to read and write. I particularly like the family inserted into the alphabet. That's sort of how I see our family - swimming in a sea of books and words. Isabel is very interested in writing at the moment. She carries crayons and pencils and a notebook around the house and yard. Most of her writing is very cute gibberish and then she'll surprise me with something like this. It is so fun to be a mommy!

Follow the Leader

Because I didn't have enough to do, I decided to enroll in distance studies with George Wythe College. Just kidding. I have plenty to do. My husband thinks I'm crazy (secretly I agree with him), but I need a Leadership Education and working with a George Wythe College mentor is the best way I know of to get one.

What is a Leadership Education you ask? It’s education for leaders. No really, that’s what it is. Leaders throughout history have been educated with a common set of principles and experiences. These principles used to be common knowledge in the U.S. and then we got sidetracked by socialization and job training.

You may now be wondering, “But don’t you have a degree from BYU?” Yes I do, and it was a wonderful professional degree that has served me well but it wasn’t a Leadership Education. There is a movement underway to go back to this classical model of education. A lot of people have become alarmed by the lack of truly great leadership in America today. We’re not just talking about politicians either. It’s much bigger than that. We need people who know how to think for themselves and solve problems in our families, homes, communities, businesses, and of course government – that’s what leadership is.

I want to prepare my children to be leaders and I don’t think I can do that without setting the example first. So, I need a Leadership Education. I’ve spent the last 4 years learning about Leadership Education (read the book, A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille if you’re curious) and studying on my own. It’s been a wonderful love of learning phase for me but I know it’s time for me to move into scholar phase and for that, I need a mentor. So, I enrolled with George Wythe College distance studies.

How’s it going you ask? Amazing! I’m learning so much! I love having a mentor! I can hardly keep up with everything I’m trying to do but it’s worth it. I’m currently studying leadership and art history. I’m reading and writing and discussing and growing and it’s affecting every area of my life. I highly recommend the experience.

I’m going to start posting my school papers here. Following is my first one.


Principles of Leadership
Inspired by Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

I have been studying Marcus Aurelius’s “Meditations” and though I find much of his Stoic philosophy repugnant, I have been inspired to learn and apply some of the principles he discusses.

Listen
Aurelius urges one to develop the skill of listening to others. He wrote: “Accustom yourself to attend carefully to what is said by another, and as much as it is possible, try to inhabit the speaker’s mind.”

“In discourse you must attend to what is said, and in every action you must observe what is being done. And in the latter you should see immediately what end is intended, but in the former watch carefully what thing is signified. “

“Direct your attention to what is said. Let your understanding enter into the things that are done and the things that are doing them.”

I like the way Steven Covey says it even better, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” I believe this is an important principle for a leader to master. Recently I had an epiphany regarding this principle, followed by an opportunity to apply it. I am currently working with a leadership committee to build a TJED community with several LEMI certified Commonwealth Schools. This week I had the opportunity to listen to an experienced Commonwealth School founder describe her experience working with other parents to organize a school. One part of her story really struck me. She spoke about the process they went through to create a constitution for their school. She said they had to work through a lot of contention before achieving resolution and “it was a beautiful thing.” She went on to explain that because she and the other parents had great respect for one another they began the discussion with the assumption that there must be something important and valid at the heart of each person’s strong opinions. They continued to talk and listen until they could understand the other person’s perspective. It became clear and simple to resolve each issue. In addition, the outcome was far better than anyone could have achieved independently.

As I listened to this story I realized that my group never experienced contention and that I did most of the talking while others nodded their heads. It occurred to me that this was ridiculous and couldn’t possibly reflect how everyone really felt. So, on our next conference call, I shared my epiphany with the group. I told them I wanted to hear how they really felt about our work. I asked them to share their reasons for participating in the group, what they hoped to get out of it, and any concerns they had. Then I listened. I really listened. I tried to “direct my attention to what [was] said” and “inhabit the speaker’s mind”. Each person talked for a few minutes and there was a fervent tone in their voices that I had not heard before. There was still a surprising amount of unanimity but everyone expressed their thoughts uniquely and it really was better than head nodding. I felt inspired. I felt more respect for my colleagues. I hope that with continued practice, I will talk less and hear more.

Am I Qualified for the Work?
Aurelius urges frequent personal reflection. In one passage he suggests that we should ask ourselves whether we are qualified for a given task or not. He questioned, “Is my understanding sufficient for this or not? If it is sufficient, I use it for the work as an instrument given by universal nature. But if it is not sufficient, then either I retire from the work and give way to him who is able to do it better—unless there be some reason why I ought not to do so—or I do it as well as I can, taking to help me the man who, with the aid of my ruling principle, can do what is now fit and useful for the general good.” He refers to understanding or, what I would call knowledge, but I believe the principle encompasses more. I would state it this way: If we do not have the knowledge, skill, and resources to perform a given task well, we should abandon the work until we become qualified or revise the task to fit our situation.

This idea surprised me. It is bold and logical. A coward could not do it. I am reminded of a time when I should have applied this principle and didn’t. I was working as an Account Executive for a small marketing agency. The agency was struggling financially which led to layoffs and increased workloads for the remaining employees. I was assigned a number of projects and accounts far beyond what I could manage well. One coworker saw my workload and told me, “That’s impossible.” I knew he was right but I was scared. I was scared that if I didn’t say yes and try to do it, I would probably be laid off immediately. I did not have the courage to “abandon the work.” I should have talked to my boss and made it clear that I could not possibly do a good job on that amount of work. I said yes when I should have said no. There may have been unpleasant consequences but I believe they would have been preferable to the ones I experienced.

I began spending 12-18 hours each day at the office to try and get my work done. I taxed my body and spirit beyond their capacity and they began to fail me. My work became sloppy. After several weeks, the agency fired me. It was the most humiliating experience of my life. It took me years to recover my confidence and personal integrity. If I had said no in the beginning I might have been laid off but I wouldn’t have been humiliated and I would have retained my integrity.

Press Forward with Compassion
Frequently, when someone is trying to do good, opposition rises up to stop them. Aurelius warns us of the real danger we may face at such a moment,

“As to those who try to stand in your way when you are proceeding according to right reason will not be able to turn you aside from your proper action, so neither let them drive you from your benevolent feelings toward them, but be on your guard equally in both matters, not only in the matter of steady judgment and action, but also in the matter of gentleness toward those who try to hinder or otherwise trouble you. For this also is a weakness, to be vexed at them, as well as to be diverted from your course of action and to give way through fear; for both are equally deserters from their post, the man who does it through fear, and the man who is alienated from him who is by nature a kinsman and a friend.”

I believe this advice contains a true principle: When you are doing good and someone tries to stop you, press forward and do not let yourself be poisoned with bad feelings towards your opposition.

This week I had an opportunity to apply this principle. I have been working with others to build a Leadership Education community in my local area. I participate in a few online home school discussion boards where I frequently post invitations to Leadership Education seminars and events. This week a raging debate about whether the Leadership Education philosophy was good or bad erupted on one of these discussion boards. Things got very heated on both sides of the debate. One individual posted a sincere question, wanting to know if Leadership Education was a valid philosophy. I responded with my opinion that it was and offered encouragement and suggestions for how a family could investigate and decide the question themselves. Another individual responded to my comment with a personal attack. It was a difficult moment for me, but I was able to stop and think before acting. After pondering the situation, I was able to imagine how my attacker might have been feeling and what was motivating her. I decided to ignore the attack and remove myself from the debate. She had not diverted me from my course. She may affect the result I’m trying to achieve, but I will continue to press forward. As I continued to ponder the incident, I stopped feeling hurt or angry at her, and instead felt compassion for her. I sensed that she was scared and defensive. I doubt she is proud of how she handled herself. Instead of letting her actions poison my feelings for her, I prayed that she would be able to overcome her fear and find some peace.

Searching for Baby # 2

It has taken longer than we planned but we have finally been approved for adoption again with LDS Family Services. Most people don't know that for every baby that becomes available for adoption, there are 6 or 7 families hoping to adopt the baby. The statistics are not in our favor but we feel confident that our children will get to us somehow.

We found Isabel because my cousin felt inspired to share our story with a birthmother. We are hopeful that another friend or family member can help us make a connection with our next birth mother. Here's a link to our profile, http://www.providentliving.org/ses/birthmother/viewsingleprofile/0,12272,2133-1-5321-1-1,00.html

Please share it freely!

Kelly's Birthday

We celebrated Kelly's birthday Monday. Once again he asked for a soccer cake. I was bored with blue and white so I changed up the colors but it looks more like a basketball than anything else. Isabel wanted to make a candy poster for Daddy like the ones she's seen me make for Young Women. She's fascinated by a book called, "And the Dish Ran Away With the Spoon" which is based on a nursery rhyme. So we wrote our own version of a silly rhyme for Kelly's candy poster. Isabel memorized it and has a little dance to go with it.

Lysomes, and Ribosomes, and Mitochondria, Oh My!

Today we made cell models out of play-dough and craft stuff. It was so fun! It all began yesterday when we walked past a Usborne book display at the Dr.'s office and of course I couldn't just walk past it. We left with, "First 1000 words in French", "100 Things to Spot in the Night Sky", and "The Complete Book of the Human Body". Isabel has been particularly curious about "the inside of the body" as she refers to it. I am very pleased with the book. Kelly had fun reading it with Belle last night and I was amazed this afternoon when I sat down to read it with her - she retained a lot of info. Her favorite organelle is the mitochondria which, she will tell you "gives energy".

While we were reading I remembered a cell modeling project from my school days and I asked Isabel if she'd like to make a model of a cell. I'm sure she had no idea what that meant but she enthusiastically said, "Yes!" I wasn't sure where to start so I googled "making a cell model". After reading a few different ideas and staring at diagrams I felt ready to start. We had a lot of fun and I suspect we will repeat this activity a few times. I usually struggle to "play" with play-dough but this activity was fun for both of us and now she's inspired and doing other things with all the craft stuff that is out on the table.

For anyone who wants to evaluate the accuracy of our model (I'm sure we made mistakes!) or who just wants to know, these are the parts of our cell models:

Cytoplasm - orange play-dough
Nucleus - red cotton ball surrounded by green play-dough (Isabel wanted her nucleolus to stay warm inside so it's not showing)
Endoplasmic Reticulum - long folds of blue play-dough
Golgi Complex - folds of yellow play-dough
Cytoskeleton - pipe cleaners
Lysomes - blue/light blue cotton balls
Ribosomes - small beads
Mitochondria - rotini noodles

Fun Weekend

Here's some pictures from our weekend. My sister Jill's friend came to visit and we took him to greenlake, our new favorite place to enjoy nice weather.