Social Connection amidst Social Distancing

Any extroverts out there withering amidst all this social distancing?  My extroverted children are feeling it. Anyone else had a painful conversation with your kids about why they can't join the neighborhood party that seems to be going on outside your door?  One of the most difficult things about this crisis is that we can't socialize as we normally do.  Social connection is one of the most effective ways to cope with stress and anxiety.

If you remain unconvinced of the reasons for all this extreme social distancing, please look at these simulations https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2020/world/corona-simulator/

There are ways we all can connect while abiding by social distancing practices.  Here are some things that are working for my family It's more important than ever that we connect socially.  I hope you'll try some of these ideas.

Cousin Bookclub
My siblings and I have organized 3 bookclubs for our kids ranging in age from 3 - 16.  We have been using a free zoom room with the breakout rooms feature.  The kids all start in the same room (CHAOS!) and then we break them into three separate rooms.  Our first meeting, the kids all brought a book they have read or are reading to share with the others.  They each gave a "book commercial" to share why they like the book and why their cousins might want to read it, without any spoilers.  Then they talked.  The oldest kids spent most of their time sharing books and decided they all want to read and discuss The Girl Who Could Fly at their next meeting.  This book is appropriate for middle grade students too so many of the middle kids are planning to read or listen to it and they might discuss it too but they were most excited to see each other and talk.  The littles needed help from their moms but loved it.  I know all the cousins are looking forward to next week's meeting.  Google hangouts could work for this too.

Online classes
Our homeschool co-op has moved all our classes online.   The upper elementary, middle school, and high school students all have at least one online class option.  These classes are helping our kids stay connected to their friends and teachers.
 
Family Time
My family has the benefit of living with 5 people under one roof.  These are the only people we are allowing ourselves to have physical contact with.  I'm encouraging more of it.  More hugs, sitting closer to each other while reading or watching a movie, holding hands while taking family walks, jumping on the trampoline together, etc.  Many of us are starved for physical contact.

I would encourage those who live alone to find another person or small family to spend physical time with often.  If you both agree not to interact physically with anyone else,  the risk is low and for those who live a lone, total isolation could be life threatening, from a mental health perspective.  I would not encourage two families to get together.  I would not encourage a large family to invite anyone over.  But those who live alone need a "family" they can be with physically.

Family meals, family movie time, family walks etc. are all extra important right now.  Is your family doing some things together every day, on purpose?  If not, consider adding one regular family activity to your daily routine. 


Phone Calls/Video Calls
I know it's old fashioned technology, but for decades, this was the only way friends and loved ones who lived far from each other could stay in touch.  A phone call with a good friend really is so good.  Try it.

The modern version is facetime.

Marco Polo
I was slow to adopt this one but my sisters convinced me.  Once I got over seeing myself on the screen, I really came to love Marco Polo.  It has enabled me and my 3 sisters to have an ongoing conversation for over a year.  It isn't live.  Each person in the conversation records themselves talking to the group - this little recording is called a polo.  Then everyone else in the conversation can watch the polo at their convenience.  Sometimes I watch polos with a headset late at night or early in the morning without bothering anyone around me.  When it is convenient, those who want to respond, can do so.  Everyone in the conversation watches the polos and responds at their convenience.  My sisters and I are all Moms. Our "free" moments are fleeting and unpredictable.  There's no way I would be so in touch with them if it weren't for Marco Polo. 

Group Text Chats 
This was another one I was slow to adopt.  I believe there are several apps for this.  I have been using What's App.  It makes group texting so much easier to follow and participate in.  I really don't like group texts.  But I'm a fan of What's App chats.  Great for keeping in touch with various groups of friends and family.


Emailing
Another old fashioned technology.  Did you know it could be used for more than promotional junk mail?!  Have your kids ever sent an email?  Now is the time to teach them how.  I consider typing an email school work for my kids as long as it's not a string of emojis. 



Conversation Across the Street
 As we were coming home from our family walk yesterday, we had a lovely conversation with neighbors across the street.  We both stayed on our own sides of the street and spoke a little louder.  It was nice to see and hear some human beings outside of our own family.

Books
John Adams famously wrote, "You will never be alone with a poet in your pocket."  I do love poetry but I also consider many of my favorite characters from books friends.  Reading is a great escape and really can take you beyond your own four walls with zero risk of spreading or catching coronavirus.  Me and mine have been reading a lot lately.  It's so nice to forget about real life for a little while each day and I know of no better way to do it than getting lost in a story.  Each of us experiences books differently.  Some will be more immersed by listening to a book while some, like me, need to see the words on the page themselves for full immersion.  Let me know if you need a book recommendation, I might have a few hundred to recommend...

This is just the things my family has tried.  I know there are lots of additional ideas out there.  What is working for you?

You Can't Scare Me. I Have Twins.

Having survived the first 5 years with twins, I am often asked for advice by expectant mothers of twins.  Here's my best advice for expectant mothers of twins.  Parenting is such a personal thing and there are so many ways to do it.  This is what worked for me and my family.  I have no problem with other Moms doing something totally different.  I'm ok with other people disagreeing with my methods.  Just offering this to anyone who wants it.  Take what you like, leave what you don't:  

Congratulations!  It's not going to be a piece of cake but having twins is really fun.  So many sweet/precious experiences are in your future that only come with twins.  Here are my thoughts for you.  I hope it helps.  I read a lot of books on twins but there wasn’t one that stuck out to me.  I learned many valuable things from all of them.  I suggest checking out whatever you can find from the library.  Following is everything I could think of that I learned from my experience.  Feel free to keep asking me questions via comments.

1.  Take a deep breath and accept that yes, twins will turn your life upside down for a while but it's totally doable and you will love it.  If you prepare mentally/emotionally to have it kind of dominate your life for a little while, that's half the battle.  I have a friend with triplets who said that it got dramatically easier every 6 months.  She was so right.  Try to think in terms of how to enjoy and survive the first 6 months for now and know that every 6 months things will get dramatically easier.  I think by the time my twins were 3, it really wasn't much different than just having multiple children of different ages.  If you have other children, that is going to be a real help in so many ways.  Everyone I know with twins has some circumstance that made their situation even more complicated in the beginning and they all survived wonderfully.  For example, my twins were born at 25 weeks in another state and were in the NICU for 3 months.  We could hardly take them anywhere for the first 8 months.  Then, when they were 10 months old, I got sick went to the hospital for 5 weeks and had brain surgery.  We are all totally fine now and we have many happy memories from that first year despite the challenges.  A friend of mine had her twins when her other 3 children were 5, 4, and 2.  She had 5 kids 5 and under for that first year.  Her twins are 1.5 now and she's doing great.  Don't worry if you are in a similar situation.  You can totally manage it. Really.

2.  Start thinking now about how much you can clear from your schedule for the first 6-12 months after they are born.  You might need to start this a month or two before they are born.  Twins tend to come early and there is a good chance you'll go on bed rest.  In the beginning everything is so much easier at home.  I'm not saying you have to become a hermit.  Going out can be really fun but trying to get places on time and do things that aren't baby friendly will be tough that first year and limiting it as much as possible will make life simpler for you.  If you have lessons or activities your other children need to get to, consider trading rides for them for watching other kids at your house.  Maybe not when your twins are newborns, but as soon as they are on some kind of schedule, watching other kids at your house could be a lot easier than piling everyone in the car to drive someone somewhere.  As often as possible, plan outings when your husband can go with you.  Consider doing most errands on your own when your husband can watch the kids.

3.  Get an Amazon.com Prime membership.  I have learned that Amazon will ship you almost anything and most of it for a really great price.  A Prime membership is I think $75/year and gets you free 2-day shipping on most of what they sell.  I bought/still buy most of my toiletries, laundry detergent, diapers, presents for bday parties, baby showers, Christmas, office and school supplies etc. on Amazon.  I homeschool my kids and teach classes in a co-op and every week I get most of my supplies for class from Amazon too.  Things you use regularly like diapers you can set up a "subscription" for and they will come every month or every other month or whatever frequency you like without you having to do anything.  You save money on subscriptions too.  It's called the subscribe-and-save program.  Seriously, Amazon has been one of my hugest secret weapons.  It has eliminated so many errands and shopping trips from my schedule and it saves me money. 

4.  Start preparing and storing freezer meals.  If you don’t have a large extra freezer, consider getting one.  In the beginning, especially the first month, you will spend almost all your time feeding and caring for your newborns.  I’m certain you will have plenty of people bringing you meals but when that ends, it is nice if you have the means to, easily, and healthily feed your family.  It always makes me feel happier and like a good wife/mother when I can feed my family healthy, yummy food.  Freezer Meals are the best way I know how to do this.  Most of the things you already make can probably be made into freezer meals.  Some things can be pre-cooked  then frozen in gallon Ziplocs to be reheated in a crockpock after defrosting in the fridge for 24 hours, some can be assembled and ready-to-bake in a disposable foil container after defrosting for 24 hours.  Search the web for freezer meals – tons of ideas out there.  You’ll get lots of great recipes from friends too if you start asking.  If you can have a month’s worth of meals ready to go in your freezer before your twins are born, that will be a huge help to you.  It’ll take practice to remember to defrost them a day ahead of time in the fridge so they are ready to reheat or bake but this takes 5 minutes and it’s not a hard habit to get into.  Also consider having 1 night a week when your husband cooks dinner and 1 night when you get Subway, takeout, already roasted chicken from the grocery store or something else like that instead of cooking.  If you know you can plan on those 2 nights during the week, it will ease some stress and give you a little break 2 nights/week.

5.  As quickly as possible get the babies on a schedule.  I don’t know what your experience with other children as babies has been like but I know a lot of people struggle with the idea of getting a baby on a schedule.  With twins, it isn’t an option to not have them on one.  Hospitals are experts at this.  You will be an expert on it soon:).  Basically you need to feed them, play with them, put them to sleep, let them sleep, and change their diapers every 3-4 hours.  My favorite book for helping me get my babies on a schedule is The Baby Whisperer.  But don’t be afraid to disagree with her or ignore anything that doesn’t feel right for you.  I didn’t like her twin schedule personally but I loved what she taught me about sleep training.  Another book I’ve liked is The Happiest Baby on the Block. Read them now while you can.  You won't have time or mental capacity after your babies are born.

Depending on whether you are breastfeeding or bottle feeding, that will significantly influence your schedule.  I breastfed my twins for the first 10 months.  You have to decide first if you want to have your twins on the same schedule or slightly staggered.  There are pros and cons to both.  If you want them on the same schedule, I recommend using Podee Bottles for one twin every feeding, switching who has the Podee and who has you every feeding.  Here’s a picture.  A Podee bottle allows an infant to kinda feed themselves.  You put them in their car seat, put the bottle between their legs and the bottle nipple is kinda like a pacifier with a straw connecting it to the bottle.  You can put the nipple in their mouth and they suck on it.  Whenever it falls out, you put it back in their mouth, just like a paci – very easy.  This allows you to give most of your attention to one twin every feeding.  Initially I nursed my twins one-at-a-time, back-to-back.  That meant I was feeding them 16 hours a day in the beginning.  My situation was complicated because I adopted my twins and I was using an SNS system to supplement.  Even if you fed yours one-at-a-time, back to back it wouldn’t take that much time.  After 3 months I switched to tandem nursing.  Some Moms really love tandem nursing.  We had some sweet moments with this but most of the time it was a 3-way wrestling match and after 3 months, my nipples were so sore I had to stop.  You might be able to make it work – you probably won’t be contending with the SNS.  It does cut feeding time in half and allows your babies to be on the same schedule so you get more time when they sleep.  When my babies were 6 months old, I discovered Podee bottles and started using them. It allowed me to keep them on the same schedule, keep feedings to 6 hours a day instead of 12, and feeding one twin at a time allowed me to really bond with the one I was feeding and have a pleasant nursing experience.  I switched who I fed vs. who got the Podee every feeding so they both got half their feedings with my undivided attention every day. 

For sleeping, I highly recommend swaddle blankets like these.

Babies sleep so much better all swaddled up, even in summer, and they can’t unwrap these blankets.  Twins often do better sleeping next to each other in the same bed but if they aren’t swaddled good, they can disturb each other.  They eventually become immune to each other’s noises and crying.  My twins shared a room till they were 5 and very rarely woke each other up, even when one was crying really loudly.  They learned to tune each other out. 

I don’t know what your experience with sleep training babies is but it is critical with twins.  It just isn’t possible to rock-to-sleep or hold two babies while they sleep at once.  One option that could work if sleep training seems too daunting is get two swings and let them fall asleep in there.  I have a friend whose first baby slept in a swing for the first 6 months.  Totally doable.

6.  Say yes to any and all offers of help.  People are probably so excited for you and most people recognize what an overwhelming thing having twins is.  They will offer you lots of help.  Say yes.  You will need it.  You will pay it forward in the future.   Whatever they offer to do for you, if it seems helpful, say yes.  If they give a vague offer or ask what they can do, tell them you can use meals, rides for your older kids, or a couple hours to do errands or take a nap.   Ask anyone who offers to bring a meal to you to bring it in disposable containers – you won’t have time to wash, keep track of, and return people’s dishes and pans. 

7.  Figure out your strategy for going out with all your kids.   You need to figure out your diaper bag and your stroller/carrier plan.   I recommend a backpack for your diaper bag.  It holds so much more than a regular diaper bag and you need double the space with twins (two changes of clothes, double the diapers, two blankets, burb cloths, bottle, snacks etc.). Also it allows you to have both your hands free.  My twins are 5 and I’m still using my backpack whenever I go out with my kids.  You’ll need to decide how you want to convey your babies once out of the car.  In the beginning a double stroller that holds two carseats is very convenient.  Makes getting the babies in and out of the car quick and easy.  But, the stroller is enormous and unwieldy.  It took up almost my whole trunk and forget keeping it in the house.  And you can’t use it for grocery shopping, Costco, or other shopping trips where you need a lot of space in a shopping cart.  Even if you limit your errand outings with kids, there will be times you need to take everyone to the store.  When my twins were about a year old I discovered the Boba Carrier.  If I were to do it all over again, I’d use a Boba and a regular stroller right from the beginning.  With the Boba I could wear one twin and put the other in a single stroller or shopping cart.  So much easier to get around.  If you already have a stroller you wouldn’t have to buy a new stroller. If you have a toddler in addition to your coming twins, a Sit and Stand stroller plus a Boba could work really well for you.  You could wear one infant, put the other in their carseat in the stroller and have your toddler sit or stand in the stroller too.  When you go to the grocery store or somewhere with a cart, you wear one infant and the other can go in the shopping cart.  A lot of places have carts that will hold both your infant and a toddler.  Boba's are expensive yes, but worth every penny.  If you aren’t buying a new stroller it makes it easier to afford one of these.  Such a lovely way to carry an infant and I can still fit my twins (one at a time) in my Boba now.  Obviously a 5-year-old can walk on their own so I don’t use it anymore.  But I did regularly until they were about 4. We actually had two so my husband and I could carry them both when we all went out.  It’s nice not to deal with a stroller in some settings like a busy city or an event with large crowds. You can buy one from amazon here and from the boba website here.

8.  Plan now for how to refill your mental/emotional tank every week.  This is going to be an amazing and wonderful experience.  But, it will test your limits and take a lot out of you.  If you can figure out a plan for regular dates with your husband and regular times for you to run errands or take a nap or do something else for yourself, you can avoid breakdowns and running yourself ragged.  For dates, I recommend securing a babysitter for a regular weekly evening.  For you time, you could schedule an evening or time on Saturdays when your husband will watch the kids so you can do something for you.  You could also do a babysitting trade with a friend or pay a babysitter once/week so you can have you time.  My twins were on a pretty good schedule with 3 naps a day by the time they were 4 months old.  By the time they were a year old, my twins took one 3 hour nap, every day.   My oldest daughter was really good at staying quietly in her room during nap-time.  Having nap-time every day, all to myself, was my saving grace.  I couldn’t go anywhere but I could nap, read, get stuff done or whatever I needed and it kept me sane.  When my twins outgrew their naps at age 4, I started to lose it.  That’s when I started paying a babysitter to watch them one afternoon a week.  Still doing it.   The best way I know of to be a great wife and mother is to take care of my basic needs.  When I do that, I have a lot more to give my family. 

9.  Get whatever support you need.  It will be important for you to have other women you can talk to as you go through this experience.  Some women really love being part of a Moms-of-Multiples group.  They are everywhere. For me talking to my sisters and friends on the phone worked well.  Make sure you have some women you can vent to, problem solve with, and get emotional support from.   I have struggled with both anxiety and depression in the last several years.  I have found a wonderful counselor who has helped me manage both really well.  If you need help from a professional, get it. 

10.  Along with simplifying your schedule, put any major projects on hold for 6-12 months.  If at all possible, don’t try to potty train anyone, move, start a new exercise routine, or make any major changes to your life until your twins are 6-12 months old.  This might not be possible but do what you can to limit additional stress.  You’ll be able to handle whatever you have to but simplify what you can.  The one exception is my next point.

11.  If you have other children, start now to prep them to help with work.    My oldest was 5 when my twins were born.  She was and remains a HUGE help to me.  I don’t know what you and your kids are used to now so forgive me if I’m preaching to the choir.  But, kids are capable of a lot of work and you will need all hands on deck.  Even a 2 yr old can help with some work. If I were you, I’d focus a lot of energy now and until the twins are born on helping your kids learn to do chores and get used to a schedule of personal chores and family work so that when the babies arrive, things will keep humming along.  Depending on how many kids you have, you may be able to teach your kids to do the majority of the basic family work so that you are free to take care of the twins.  I’d focus on helping them learn to do their personal chores (make beds, clean their rooms, get dressed, put clothes away, brush teeth etc.); learn to help with laundry (sorting, washing, and folding); dishes /kitchen (loading and unloading the dishwasher, clearing the table, rinsing dishes, washing tables, and counters, sweeping or swiffering the floor); and bathroom (the mirror, sink, toilet, bathtub, and floor).  I use baking soda to clean my bathtub so it’s not toxic for a child to clean.  I do recommend gloves so their hands don’t get scratched.  It would also be nice if they knew how to do some basic food prep like microwave instant oatmeal, make PBJ sandwiches, peel and section Clementines or bananas, etc.  There may be meals when you need to rely on their ability to prep food for everyone. 

12.  Come to terms with the idea that someone will have to cry often.  With twins it is impossible to see to all of their needs immediately. Very often, one twin will be crying while you are helping the other one.  If you have other children, even more likely.  This is not a problem.  No baby or child ever died of crying.  All twins experience this and I don’t know of any of them suffering lasting damage because of it.  I actually find that twins and triplets seem to have a little more patience than other children because they are used to waiting their turn for Mom's attention.  If you already have other children, you probably already get this idea. 

13. Get Ready for lots of comments and questions.    I don’t know what it is but when people hear about or see your twins, a lot of them are going to start asking all sorts of bizarre questions and making strange comments.  Learn to laugh at it and respond appropriately.  You don’t owe anyone explanations and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of your situation.  This video is hilarious and so true to my experience.  I’ve had almost all of these things asked of me/said to me.  I get even more fun stuff because my kids were all adopted and my twins are African-American while me, my husband, and my oldest are all Caucasian. 

14.  When at your wits end, just hang on.  I’m not going to lie, there were a few moments in that first year when I wasn’t sure how I’d make it another hour, let alone another day, week, or month.  But they were moments.  They passed.  When you feel like you are at your wits end, just hang on by your fingernails.  It will get better.  You will sleep again.  You will feel human again.  You will feel really happy and wonderful again.  All you have to do is keep you and your children alive, fed, maybe dressed.  Everything else is a bonus. 

15.  Enjoy this unique and precious experience.    As a mother of twins you will get to experience some amazing things very few other people do.  Most twins have an amazing bond.  I remember seeing my twins asleep in the same crib with one of their heads on the other’s tummy and arms wrapped around each other.  This still happens on occasion - on vacation last summer they fell asleep in a hotel bed wrapped up together. My little girl is brave and bold.  My son is cautious and shy.  My twins always have each other in almost any new situation.  It is so cute to see them holding hands when they go into any new situation together.  They always prefer having the other one with them – they are each other’s security blankets.  I’ll always remember how cute it was when they started crawling, watching two little bums wiggling down the hallway side-by-side.  I’ll never forget when they both started learning to say the work “fork” and practicing at the dinner table.  With twins the cuteness is more than doubled, it is exponential.  Dressing them is sooooo fun.  It might be my favorite hobby.  It is really nice to have two babies to go around.  My oldest was so excited to finally have siblings.  When they came home from the hospital, she told me, “Mom, you get the boy, and I get the girl.”  When grandparents, aunts, and uncles, are around, it’s nice to have two babies to pass around.  There will always be people dying to hold your babies.  If you feel comfortable, let them.  I love being a Mom and there is nothing like the feeling of having both my twins in my arms at the same time.  It is getting difficult to fit them both in my lap now but I so loved it while they were little.  As they get older it is so nice that they always have a playmate.  Now that my twins are 5, they really do need less of my attention than they would if there were only 1 of them.  They fight like any siblings but they also play really well together. 

Congratulations!  I’m so happy for you.  This is going to be a wonderful experience.  It’s normal to be worried but you are in for some great times.  Please do follow up with any questions you have. 

Good Luck!

Jennifer

Feeding My Family

I love food.  I love cooking it, eating it and sharing it.  I also love good health.  I like to feel my body working at it’s best, feeling, strong and clean.  Sometimes I find these two loves at odds with each other.  Reconciling them is something I’m constantly working on.  In this post I will share my experience with making my own baby food and feeding all three of my kids.  My oldest is 6 and my twins are 14 months old. 

First I want to share my family’s eating philosophy.  I have read a bit about the links between health and diet and as a result my family has chosen to eat a certain way.  We are what many describe as flexitarians.  We believe there is an ideal way to eat for the greatest health and we aim for that ideal but we take plenty of detours from it.  We believe the ideal diet is vegan, organic, non-processed, mostly fruits and veggies, low in sugar or other sweeteners and grown by and purchased from local producers.  Truly ideal would be producing it all ourselves.  Like I said, we take a lot of detours from this ideal – it’s just something we shoot for and we hope to get better at it every year.  The closer we get to it the better we feel and the fewer health problems we experience.  I did try for 6 weeks; to live according to the Eat to Live rules and I did it perfectly.  It was amazing.  I wrote about it in an earlier post.  Our weaknesses are dairy products, sweets, summer BBQs, holidays, bread and pasta. 

We have based this philosophy on a handful of books that I’ve read and discussed with my husband.  He’s read some of them.  They include, Eat to Live, Disease Proof Your Child, How to Get Your Kid To Eat But Not Too Much, In Defense of Food, Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual, and most important to us, The Word Of Wisdom from The Doctrine and Covenants.

My favorite healthy recipes come from the following cookbooks:  First Meals, Whole Food, In Season, Cooking Light: Salads, and Mediterranean Kitchen.  These include non-vegan recipes but I tend to skip those and focus on the plant-based recipes. 

I totally reject the notion of “kid food” – things like fruit snacks, fishy crackers, lunchables, juice boxes, and other processed, snack food marketed to kids.  It’s a modern invention associated with the SAD (Standard American Diet) way of eating that is linked with very high rates of heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.   I believe starting toddlers out on “kid food” just primes them for fast food and junk food and deprives them of the opportunity to develop a taste for healthy food. 

Here’s how I feed my kids. 

Birth – 6 months

Idealy, breastmilk only.  I adopted all 3 of my kids and did manage to breast feed them but had to supplement with formula.  Happy to share more with anyone looking into breastfeeding an adopted baby.

6 months – 12 months

I started all 3 of my kids on pureed vegetables like broccoli, cauliflower, peas, carrots, potatoes, yams, winter squash, and sweet potatoes.  I want them to develop a taste for vegetables, especially the ones that aren’t sweet, before I introduced fruits.  My 6 year old still loves broccoli better than just about anything.  Of course they still get most of their calories from breast milk or formula.  With my twins, our dietician and doctor encouraged me to start with baby cereal but I found they had a hard time digesting it so I stopped it and just fed them pureed veggies.  After about a month of veggies I start introducing pureed fruits like bananas, apples, mango, and pears.  I also start mixing things together and making the texture chunkier.  Once they can handle chunky textures and pick things up with their fingers I give them soft, cooked veggies and fruits.  When I’m low on cooked veggies and fruits and short on time I used canned – not ideal, but better than a lot of other options!  I also give them raw banana and avocado chunks, frozen peas (awesome on sore, teething gums!) and canned black beans (smaller than most beans).  They started consuming less milk about this time.  After my twins were doing well with all the finger food and their systems were digesting all the veggies, fruits, and beans well I started offering them bits of whole wheat bread (sometimes I make my own) and making grain-based casseroles for them.  They wouldn’t mind eating these with their fingers but I can’t handle the mess!  I make a sweet casserole and a savory casserole.  My 14 month-old daughter prefers the savory while her twin brother prefers the sweet.  I suspect this reflects their unique dietary needs.  One casserole will usually last for the whole week.

Sweet Casserole

Combine in a casserole dish:

1 to 2 cups of cooked steel cut oats

Homemade applesauce (peeled apples, cinnamon, and water)

Any soft, raw, soft-cooked, or canned fruit that you have on hand like peaches, pears, cranberries, grapes, apples, bananas (add them fresh right before serving), mango, blue berries, and apricots.  Make sure it’s all baby-bite-sized.

¼ tsp of cinnamon

Savory Casserole

Combine in a casserole dish:

1 to 2 cups of cooked brown rice

Any soft, raw, soft-cooked or canned vegetables you have on hand like, onion, carrots, celery, peas, mushrooms, green beans, broccoli, potatoes, yams, winter squash, sweet potatoes, Brussels sprouts, avocado, and beets. Make sure it’s all baby-bite-sized.

1 can of beans.  (Black are nice and small, others probably need to be cut in half)

1 can of cream of mushroom soup (I feel guilty about this but my daughter is a little picky and she will eat any veggie coated in cream of mushroom so I think it’s an okay trade off.  I should learn to make my own soymilk version….)

I don’t bake them but you could.  I just mix them, refrigerate them and warm up a small bowl for each feeding and my twins gobble them up.  I try to make sure that at least half of the volume comes from fruit or veggies. 

When we are out of the house for mealtime, I take small containers of beans, peas, canned veggies, and a couple slices of bread with me.  Easy, cheap, and healthy.

12 – 24 months 

I start letting them sample what the rest of us are eating at the table, as long as it’s not dangerous for them.  We wait until 2 yrs old on peanut butter, nuts, honey, strawberries, green salad (need teeth for that!), and citrus. We also don’t share cookies or other treats with them. I have not and don’t plan to introduce regular cows milk or juice to my twins.  I still give them formula 3- 4 times a day.  I will eventually start offering them soy and nut milks in small quantities.  This really helps my husband and I focus on healthier eating – we don’t want to set a bad example for our kids.  For breakfast this includes oatmeal (steel cut is best but instant is so much easier), fruit, green smoothies (pureed fruit and spinach) toast, and pancakes.  For lunch we typically have PB sandwiches, fresh and dried fruit, salad, nuts, and veggies and dip.  Our dinner staples are pasta (whole wheat or multi-grain) w/marinara and parmesan, soft polenta made with parmesan and butter, massive green salad with beans and sometimes grilled chicken, steamed veggies, veggie soup and homemade biscuits (nothing healthy about these), rice and beans, and grain-based salads. 

2 years old (or whenever they have a full set of teeth) and on

They eat what we eat.  If they don’t like what we’re having for a given meal, they might be hungry but I won’t make them anything else.  Our 6 year old has done very well with this.  She goes through picky stages and sometimes she’s not satisfied at the end of a meal but she usually makes up for it later in the day or the next day.   I just keep offering her a wide variety of healthy food and she sometimes discovers that now she likes something she used to hate.  I don’t force my kids to eat anything; I just don’t offer them much that’s not healthy.  When my oldest goes to parties or other places away from home she is very attracted to junk food and will eat as much as she can but I don’t worry about this because we’re pretty healthy at home.  She seems to be losing her taste for dairy.  We only have Parmesan and butter on a regular basis.  On Sundays I make one of our less-healthy favorites like lasagna, fettuccine alfredo, chicken and cheese enchiladas, and homemade pizza.  My daughter recently declared that she doesn’t like melted cheese.  She will not eat pizza with cheese (I make a small part of it with just sauce and pepperoni for her), or any cheese-based sauce.  At friends houses she has refused milk and string cheese – she used to love both of those things.  I’m curious how my twins will do going forward.  My little girl is definitely picky.  I know more than I did when my oldest was a baby and I’m feeding my twins even healthier.    

And for all of us it’s a work in progress.  We get better every year but we’re still a long ways off from the ideal.

UPDATE:  I forgot to add that we get most of our produce from Klesick Family Farm.  Each week they deliver a box of fresh, organic, mostly locally-grown, delicious fruits and veggies.  We always order lettuce, potatoes, apples, carrots, and broccoli.  I order additional things each week based on what's in season.  We love it.  Everything is so much tastier than what you get at the grocery store and because it's so fresh it lasts longer without spoiling.  I can keep the lettuce in my fridge for more than a week.  If you live in the Seattle area, check out Klesick.  If you live somewhere else google CSA in your town.  CSAs are community supported farms and they are a growing trend.  

Christmas 2009

We had a really great Christmas season this year. The calm, peaceful, quiet experience was such a contrast to last year's crazy adventure. The twins have added so much to our joy. We've spent a lot of quiet evenings at home all together reading Christmas stories, singing carols, and dancing to Christmas music. We celebrate Christmas Eve with an enchilada dinner and a family performance of the nativity. Sadly, Kelly was sick with food poisoning all day on Christmas Eve but by Christmas morning was much better. We've saved him some enchiladas for later.

This year's nativity was one of the cutest things I've ever seen. I'll put a clip from it on here so you can see who I think are the most adorable Mary, Joseph, and Angel ever cast in a nativity. The camera man was queasy-sorry if his filming makes you feel the same. The donkey was a little sheepish about being filmed but it was necessary.

Christmas morning was a joy. The twins couldn't believe it when we handed them presents and encouraged them to tear open the wrapping paper. We've been shooing them away from the tree and presents all month. They were happy to get gifts but really wished we'd just let them eat the paper. All the Christmas morning pics are on Kelly's camera. I'll try to get them uploaded soon.

Christmas Letter

I sent this letter as our Christmas Card this year so nothing new for some of you but it sums up the crazy year that was 2009 for our family, so I'm posting it here.

Dear Family and Friends,
We had such an eventful year in 2009 that we wanted to share the highlights with you.
The first, most exciting event began last year, just before Christmas. We found out we would be adopting twin babies, a boy and girl. Isabel had asked for a baby for Christmas the 2 previous years and we were so excited to finally grant her wish.

The twins were born in Utah, 4 months early, on November 15, 2008. Their early birth classified them as micro-preemies. Chloe came first, weighing in at 1 lb. 6 oz and Liam followed, weighing in at 1 lb. 5.5 oz. We first learned about them when they were about a month old, on December 13, 2008. That was a Saturday. On the following Tuesday we spoke to their birthmother. Wednesday she chose us to adopt the twins. Thursday we bought a minivan. Friday we packed it up and drove off to Utah to go be with our babies.

The twins had to remain in the NICU at IMC hospital in Murray, Utah until February 7, 2009. Jen and Isabel stayed with family in Utah the whole time and Kelly flew back and forth on weekends. Family members watched Isabel while Jen spent time with Chloe and Liam in the hospital. When Kelly was there, he divided his time between Isabel and the babies. His employer and coworkers were wonderfully supportive and flexible during this adventure.

Being born so early and so tiny, the twins battled many health challenges in those first months. We brought them home to the Seattle area at the end of February. Because the babies were so fragile and immune compromised, we kept them at home all winter and spring and limited our contact with the outside world. We were just about ready to get out in society when Swine Flu hit. So, we stayed at home an extra month. We finally started getting out in June. Now that we are back in RSV/Flu season we are staying at home again. You can see pictures and read more about the twins NICU stay at www.jarrettfamilyadventure.blogspot.com.

The twins are healthy and growing. They are miracle babies. Technically they are 1 year old but their adjusted age is 8 months old. Liam had more problems than Chloe, and is behind her developmentally but they are both progressing well and we expect them to catch up and live normal healthy lives. Chloe started out bigger but now she is the tiny one. She weighs a little more than 14 pounds and wears 3-6 month old clothing. She has just started crawling and gets into everything. She has no idea she’s so little. Liam, or “the tank,” as we often call him, has bulked up and now weighs about 18 pounds and wears 6-9 month old clothing. He seems really big to us. He is working on rolling onto his tummy. He would like to skip crawling and go straight to standing and walking but his physical therapist says it’s really important for him to crawl first. She is pleased with his progress and thinks he will crawl soon. Both babies love to sit and play. Chloe likes peek-a-boo and Liam likes patty-cake. They both say Dadada often. Every now and then we hear a mama from one of them.

They definitely have a special “twin” connection. As soon as we brought them home we put them in the same crib. Recently we decided to separate them because Chloe is always crawling and rolling all over Liam and when he’s had it he will wallop or bite her. When we separated them Chloe cried really hard. After a day of naps and bedtime in separate cribs, Mom felt really bad for lonely little Chloe spinning around in her crib all by herself, looking for brother. So we tried putting them back together and Chloe was so happy. She curled over on her side right next to Liam, popped her thumb in her mouth and closed her eyes. Liam looked pretty happy too. We will keep them in the same crib until one of them truly wants to be alone.

Isabel is a happy, helpful, and loving big sister. It has been heartwarming to watch her embrace this new role. The twins adore her. She will tell you that being a big sister is hard work and sometimes she’d like to have all of Mommy and Daddy’s attention but whenever she gets the chance she tells people, “This is my brother and sister. I am their big sister.” We hope to legally finalize the twins’ adoption in December and then seal them to our family eternally in a religious ceremony in January.

The first 6 months with any baby are challenging. The first 6 months with micro-preemie twins are something that can’t be described, only experienced. We have lived to tell about it and are so grateful that Chloe and Liam have joined our family. In the summer we really started to get into a rhythm with our new life. We felt like we could handle our situation and were looking forward to the coming months. Jen was working to establish a home school group for Isabel that would start in the fall and Kelly was planning on a work trip to Tanzania in eastern Africa. I guess someone thought we needed a little more excitement to close out the year.

At the end of September, Jen got sick with severe nausea, dizziness, and balance problems. After going to the ER and being admitted to the hospital, she was diagnosed with a cavernoma in her cerebellum that had to be removed via brain surgery. Jen had surgery on October 1st while Isabel celebrated her 6th birthday. After successful surgery and a 5 week stay in the hospital, Jen came home in mid October. Our family, friends, and Kelly’s coworkers have been unbelievably supportive and helpful. Grandmas came at different times to take care of all the children so Kelly could go to work and Kelly’s coworkers encouraged him to take as much time off as he needed to deal with the situation. As you may have guessed, he did not take that trip to Tanzania. Jen went ahead with launching the homeschool group, thanks to her dedicated friends. Jen hosted a meeting at the hospital prior to her surgery and her friends got the ball rolling. Isabel has enjoyed participating in the group this fall and Jen has even been a couple times.

Jen has been home for almost a month now and is recovering well. She has double vision and wears a patch to help with this. She has also had a lot of balance problems but is getting better and looks less like a drunken pirate every day. She’s heard a lot of pirate jokes, mostly from Kelly, and says, “go ahead, take your best shot. Maybe you’ll outdo him.” She is now able to care for the kids and our home at a basic level and has reengaged with our homeschool community and our church. We are all so grateful that her health is returning and that there will be no permanent consequences. It may take months but the doctors expect all her symptoms to go away and there shouldn’t be any future problems with her brain.

The Christmas Season is our favorite time of year. As we reflect on the gift of our Savior’s birth and feel the warm spirit it brings to the world we are grateful for all our blessings and want to share that feeling with our friends and family. This year, more than ever, we have so much to be grateful for. Thank you for all you have done to help, pray for, and think of us this year.

Love,

The Jarretts
Kelly, Jen, Isabel, Chloe, and Liam


PS Keep in touch! Kelly is on facebook. Jen has a blog at www.mavenhood.blogspot.com. We are both on goodreads.com

A couple updates as of 12/25/09: Jen is now patchless with some double-vision but much improved. She still can't drive but hopefully soon! Liam is crawling and rolling and getting ready to walk. Chloe is crusing along furniture and we expect her to walk soon. The twins went to "school" with Jen and Isabel this month and it was fun. The twins pediatrician encouraged us to start going into public more this winter instead of hiding out at home. So, we are going to church and our homeschool group. Yea!

Back to Basics

Wow! The last 7 months of my life have been crazy wonderful. Our twins, Chloe and Liam are doing so great. Check out recent pics of them here. It is so fun to be the mother of 3 adorable, hilarious, sweet, lovable, and always-changing children. And, obviously it is time consuming and hard work. But I've dreamed of being this kind of busy for a long time. I'm trying to soak it up and enjoy every minute and remember that before I know it my little ones will be grown up and I'll be wishing for these days again. Somehow I manage to read tons but that's about all I do besides taking care of children and very basic, not-quite-adequate housekeeping. Maybe today is the day the bathroom will actually get done...

Isabel turns 6 in October and this would be the year she would enroll in Public School if we weren't homeschooling. With all our family changes a lot of people have asked if I will still be able to homeschool my kids. I know most people think it gets harder with more kids but I can now say with a few months worth of experience, that at least for now, it is easier. If I were doing a K-12 program that looked like public school then yeah, it might be impossible to do but when your engaged in Leadership Education, having a family with lots of kids makes it so much better. One of the principles of this philosophy is "Inspire not Require." That's where most of my energy goes - finding new ways to inpsire Isabel. Having the twins has inspired her to do lots of new things.

One example is reading. She loves to be read to and sometimes shows a desire to read herself but "reading" (what beginning readers do using a combination of sight reading, phonics, contextual clues, and guessing) to Mom is like a test and feels pointless. Mom already knows what the words on the page say and she'll know if you read it wrong--she doesn't need you to read to her. But "reading" to your little brother and sister is exciting! They certainly can't read for themselves and are excited to have your attention. Plus, they don't know if you read it right or wrong. You get to be the big, knowledgeable person while you practice things you are learning. Isabel has made a lot of progress in her reading lately and I know it's because she's been inspired by the presence of her baby brother and sister.

We've also had some success restructuring our morning routine. We have to schedule ourselves around the babies eating and napping times. This has forced us to be a little more structured and gives a nice flow to our day. All 3 of my kids are in core phase. In core phase we focus on teaching them good/bad, right/wrong, true/false, work, family relationships, and responsiblity. So our day is structured to facilitate this. I get up before all the kids to exercise and shower. Then I feed babies while Isabel gets her own breakfast, showers, and gets dressed. Having the babies has given her the motivation and opportunity to learn more skills and become more independent. While the babies play we start our morning chores together: dishes and kitchen clean-up, make the beds, pick-up bedrooms and livingroom, vacuum and laundry. If we did a good job the day before and didn't leave a lot of messes for ourselves, the morning cleanup only takes 30-45 minutes. After the twins have played for 20-40 minutes they are ready for a nap.

When our chores are done we use the rest of naptime for school time. That is, we do whatever Isabel is inspired to do. Usually we cuddle up in the chaise lounge with a novel and read for an hour or more. Other things we do are read library and picture books, do art projects, bake in the kitchen, work in the garden, listen to music, dance, and play games. I try to keep a running list in my head all week of things Isabel has expressed an interest in and then we use our morning time to do things from the list. I'm always putting things on hold at the library and once a week Kelly or I pick up the latest stack of books. I try to bring in resources and materials in response to Isabel's interests. I don't make her do anything during school time, I just respond to her needs and interests. Over the past few weeks we've learned about microbes, ants, gardening, Beethoven, and poetry; read the scriptures, dozens of fairytales, a handful of novels, and stacks of pictures books; baked different kinds of bread and muffins; planted and maintained a square foot garden (with some major help from our friends Rachel and Jason - thank you!);

and turned Isabel's bedroom into a gallery of her paintings.

This is how she learns the core phase lessons of good/bad, right/wrong, true/false, work, family relationships, and responsibility.

Before the babies wake up we try to eat lunch. If we don't stop in time, Isabel makes a sandwich for herself. Then she runs outside to play on nice days or finds something to do inside. I read to myself whenever I'm nursing. During the twins second nap I do whatever I can from my to-do list in 90 minutes. Then I feed them again. By now it's 5pm and time to get dinner ready, pickup the house and get ready for Daddy to come home. Isabel helps with dinner and pick-up. We eat dinner at about 6 or 6:30. We all do the dishes together. At 7:30 or so, the twins eat again while I read the family novel-du-jour to Kelly and Isabel. Right now it's Charlotte's Web. Then Kelly tucks Isabel into bed. At about 8:30 or 9 we put the twins to bed and then it's our time to read, talk, do whatever. Last night we started reading "Carry on Mr. Bowditch" together. I love reading with Kelly.

And, that's what an ideal day looks like at our house. On a good week, 3 or 4 of our days looks like this. On a bad week maybe only 1 does. Having 10-15 ideal days in a month is success in my book.

Kelly's Birthday

We celebrated Kelly's birthday Monday. Once again he asked for a soccer cake. I was bored with blue and white so I changed up the colors but it looks more like a basketball than anything else. Isabel wanted to make a candy poster for Daddy like the ones she's seen me make for Young Women. She's fascinated by a book called, "And the Dish Ran Away With the Spoon" which is based on a nursery rhyme. So we wrote our own version of a silly rhyme for Kelly's candy poster. Isabel memorized it and has a little dance to go with it.

Fun Weekend

Here's some pictures from our weekend. My sister Jill's friend came to visit and we took him to greenlake, our new favorite place to enjoy nice weather.

One for the Grandparents (click a pic to enlarge it)

I haven't posted any pictures for a while and I owe the Grandparents...

Organized Christmas

This is on my list of top 10 websites that have improved my life: http://organizedchristmas.com/

This is my 4th year following the site's 6-week Christmas Countdown. My family's last 3 Christmases have been more peaceful, joyful, and meaningful than I dreamed possible, thanks to the countdown. I'm betting this year will be the best ever as I learn more each year from the countdown process.

This year’s countdown began 10/21/07 but it's not too late to catch up. It requires about 2-3 hours/week of work on Christmas prep and by December 1st, you are totally ready for Christmas. By nature, I'm an 11th-hour-addict but honestly, the last 3 Christmases, by December 1st, the only thing left on my to-do list was "enjoy the season". Try it, you'll be amazed!

The site has a sister site that I also love, http://www.organizedhome.com/. I especially love the section on freezer cooking. If you don't know what that is, you should. I find it euphoric to walk in the house from a day of playing tour guide for visiting family or friends, excuse myself for 5 minutes to take homemade lasagna from the freezer, pop it in the oven and then wander back into the living room to chat with everyone while the lasagna bakes. Within 30 minutes my guests notice the aroma of dinner cooking and start wondering how I did that while also realizing they are as hungry as they are tired from the day's adventure. I just smile and relax knowing that a delicious, home-made dinner is minutes away; relieved that I didn't have to persuade my husband to drag his tired body back out the door for takeout, and thrilled not to be wasting a week's worth of grocery-money on one dinner. And of course I share my secret with my guests – I can't keep something so good to myself!

Happy Birthday Isabel!

Isabel turned 4 this month. We celebrated with family and friends. In preparation for the event I asked her what gift she wanted and what kind of cake she would like. I was suprised by her very specific answers: An ironing board and a pink and purple cake with polka dots and Princess Belle on the top. She was pretty pleased with the results and can't wait to turn 5.